Make It Rain, Gov.

A pensive Spitzer as his wife witnesses fellatio at a press conference.

New York Governor, and former attack dog Attorney General, Eliot Spitzer, has been implicated in a high class, high dollar prostitution ring. In layman's terms, another better than you city boy got caught dipping his wick in the wrong honey pot again. I'm not going to sit here and try to explain what you can very well read, but here are some good parts.

In conversation after the meeting, Kristen (Hooker 1) told Lewis (Hooker 2) that she liked the client (Spitzer) and reported that he had provided the $4,300 payment. "I don't think he's difficult," she said, according to the documents. "I mean it's just kind of like…whatever. I'm here for a purpose."

You couldn't be more right if you tried to get a real job that didn't involve your father sleeping with a snub nosed revolver in his mouth. Also-$4,300!?! I'm sorry but I just can't find it in me to pay four thousand dollars for the crotchrot she got off of David Vitter.

Gov. Eliot Spitzer's role in a prostitution scandal grew out of a public corruption inquiry triggered by his movement of large amounts of cash from several bank accounts to one that operated by a call-girl ring, a law enforcement official said Tuesday.

No wonder everyone is so surprised the famous corruption buster would do this: he is an idiot. It's not exactly hiding the fact you are paying women for sex when you write them a big personal check made out to Prostitute Inc. If Spitzer is forced to resign then New York's Lt. Gov. David Paterson will complete his term as Governor. Oh, and by the way:

"Paterson, who is legally blind, is a leading advocate for the visually and physically impaired."

Holy Fuck!! Lets get the blind person to be Governor, and the Parkinson's patient to be his driver and Spitzer to be his seeing eye dog (Get it? Because he is a cheating whore-mongering dog. GET IT?!?)

Lastly, it is well known that Spitzer was a hardnosed, get-it-done prosecutor attempting to clean up Wall Street and the streets in general. He beat the Gambino crime family using a favorite tool of his (not his penis), the wire tap. Spitzer used the wire tap like it was completely cool, and not shady as we are quickly finding out thanks to the telecommunication companies, who can apparently tap anyone and everyone at will. Think about that. In fact,

Spitzer himself said that New York State does about 30% of the nation's wiretaps, and he helped make it a powerful weapon in the prosecutors' arsenal.

Good job, jagoff. Usually, if I am going to revolutionize the way crimes are prosecuted by recording conversations had over the telephone, I would not conduct illegal business on the FUCKING TELEPHONE!! I'm sure no one would be looking out for the Governor of one of the most powerful and politically active states in the nation. Probably has no enemies.

That's the reason he was so good at catching criminals: he was way too stupid to commit them, so he just stood in one place long enough and waited for them to raise their hands. Eliot Spitzer, today's dumbest criminal.