Andre does not eat raw meat. 'Cause Andre is a vegetarian.

Gosh, this sure is swell...

Jesus H. Christ in a double-breasted suit, do I love Necessary Roughness.

The story of a rag-tag bunch of losers playing college football down for the Texas State Fighting Armadillos is just a feel good movie. It doesn't hurt that the soundtrack really turns my crank. It reminds me of the Rudy soundtrack. Rudy is another movie I love, besides disliking the crap out of Notre Dame itself. With Necessary Roughness I don't have that problem, mostly because the Texas State depicted doesn't even exist!

The Marlboro Man shifts through time...

Scott Bakula is the 40 year old quarterback, Sinbad is a professor turned lineman, Kathy Ireland is the kicker (I'd kick her...wait...that sounded less sexual than it did domestic-violency...) and one of my perennial favorites, Larry Miller as the dick dean.

You might remember Larry Miller from when he played the dick fill-in-the-blank in any of his movies...

Necessary Roughness is kinda like any other sports movie: adversity at every turn, they lose a shit ton, either on the field or in society, and then they finally pull it out in the last game! The crowd storms the field and everyone goes on to win in life, or whatever.

But when was that ever a bad thing? I love a drama where everyone gets screwed and stays that way, but who ever got mad at a good feel good movie? I differentiate between bad feel good movies, which there are more of than crabs on an Italian tennis instructor's junk.

Yea, that doesn't have to make sense.

I am a misanthrope, if we have established anything, but even I can appreciate it when the underdog wins, the ugly guy/girl gets the girl/ugly guy (ED: I see what you did there...), and Kid Rock was killed from a falling grand piano. OK, so maybe that last one was just wishful thinking, but hey--a man can dream...

So bye, bye Miss American Pie...

This is where I would usually leave you with a fantastic clip from the movie in question. When the Armadillos win their final game. When Kathy Ireland kicks footballs 70 yards. But apparently youtube is just the worst kind of Larry Miller when it comes to this American classic. So instead I decided to grace you with some Sinbad.

Did You Know: Sinbad is still alive, and doing stand-up!! I was just as surprised as you!