Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-April 14, 2008CE

1) Oh come on. Can these Dr. Phil assholes get any more greedy for ratings. No one should help these little assholes do anything but skip down The Green Mile. Fights happen, but this was a premeditated attack on a defenseless person, and in my book that means you go to jail for a long, long time. And not Danbury Minimal Security; I want these little twits to be sodomized with a broomstick by the biggest, meanest lesbian bulls this fine correction system can offer.

2) Dozens of literary properties, movie, television properties and, really, anything you want, have their own encyclopedia. And I can guarantee you that Gene Roddenberry didn't write the Star Trek one. George Lucas didn't write the Star Wars one. I feel confident saying Ian Fleming never got down and worked on a compendium to James Bond. J. K. Rowling will probably get her way, but I'm not so sure I agree.

3) In anticipation of Pope Benedict's visit to America this week, I present this Newsweek magazine article. No matter your views, it would be pretty cool to be in the pope's audience. And President Bush is driving all the way out to Andrews to pick the pontiff up personally to take him back to the White House. Early reports indicate that when a new President is sworn in January 26, 2009, Pope Benedict will be obligated to come help George and Laura move back to Crawford. It's only fair.

4) Finally, What The Fuck??!?? Who knew that Brian May, the guitarist of Queen, arguably the biggest band of the 70's and 80's, was a fucking astronomer. And not that namby pamby backyard variety who can point out the face on mars. I mean the full blown Doctor who has written books kind of astronomer. And now he is the Chancellor of a university. Obviously this is a ceremonial post, but for god's sake, he is a doctor? The world is nuts.

Well, that's about it. It's like John Cleese as Reg says in The Life of Brian: "What Jesus blatantly fails to appreciate is that it's the meek who are the problem."