Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-May 28, 2008CE

1) Oops! This would be sad for the old man, if it wasn't so damn funny. As he puts himself in his little box to float to space, and never leaves the ground. I would have just left him in there until he figured out he was firmly attached to Terra Firma.

2) Like every other aspect of the church, St. Peter's Basilica was build upon pagan ruins. Which probably weren't ruins when they were build upon. And now they aren't again, after a year long restoration done by the Vatican.

3) In Sports, I love Ozzie Guillen:

“It was crazy,” White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen said. “We really did a lot wrong. You can name it and name it. It’s a good thing it was one game.”

You have to love a manager who will say such a thing about his own team, a team which somehow allowed the Indians to complete a triple steal, a feat which seems as unpossible as the albatross in golf. Kobe Bryant led the Lakers one game closer to the 80's heyday retrofinal against the Boston Celtics, by beating the Spurs to move the series to 3-1. If Tiger Woods doesn't play the U.S. Open, then the golf world will explode--i imagine another of these no name nationwide guys will just come in and run roughshod all over everyone for one weekend, and then fall back into obscurity. Seems to be the trend.

4) If I have to sit here for one more fucking minute and listen to the humorless, talentless losers who comprise the entertainment media compare Shia "I glue a moustache on before I go to the leather clubs" LaBeouf and Marlon Brando using words like "'tude", I am going to scream. LaBeouf couldn't hold Brando's jock, and believe me, he wants to--in his teeth.

5) In Art, a rare portrait of the family of Henry VIII, showing the grand Elizabeth I as a young princess has been found in some nobleman's house. I imagine its the Duke of Earl. And when he walks through this world, nothing can stop the Duke of Earl. And it's news that its possible, but not probable, that there might be previously unknown works by Mozart. So stay tuned for more news about things that may or may not exist.

6) Let's get rid of this old shit in the Navy. And by that, I mean let's get rid of Old Navy-their substandard clothes piss me off.

Well, that's about it. It's like Michael J. Fox as Marty McFly in Back to the Future said: "Wait a minute, Doc. Are you telling me that you built a time machine...out of a DeLorean?!"