**SPECIAL CINCO DE MAYO EDITION**
1) Big Brown, the horse owned by UPS (What can brown do for you? Deliver your mail via the pony express, I suppose.) and the clear favorite, won the Kentucky Derby on Saturday. And if you didn't know that, but instead knew that another horse, Eight Belles, was put down on the track after breaking both her front ankles, then you are not alone, because that's the only thing people are talking about. Especially those kill-joys over at PETA. It's almost like they don't want animals to do anything which might at some point injure them. Crazy. But seriously, if PETA developed a cure for cancer, they would use it on giraffes and never tell the pubic. Horses run. Horses get hurt. Horses get shot in the head to prevent further pain. It's the circle of life. Especially when you consider most horses have an evil, disfigured brother scheming for the crown over all of the African Savannah. The circle of life, man.
2) Microsoft failed at its bid to acquire internet juggernaut Yahoo on Saturday. This affects me in no way because I haven't used a Yahoo service in years. Not when I have free porn...I mean Google. Ok, its just look at porn.
3) In sports, the Boston Celtics finally took care of the Atlanta Hawks, who were doing all they could to defeat this neo-Goliath. This bodes not well for Boston, because it's like China having difficulty committing numerous terrible human rights violations. It's just what they do. The New Orleans Hornets stunned San Antonio Saturday, and play again tonight.
4) Two Newsweek critics look back on Seinfeld on this, the 10th anniversary of its series finale. I'll leave it up to you to decide who is right, but I'll give you a hint. It's not the first humorless calculating technical douchebag its the second guy. The one who's right.
Well, that's about it. It's like Marcel Proust said: "Like everybody who is not in love, he imagined that one chose the person whom one loved after endless deliberations and on the strength of various qualities and advantages."
Note: There is no Cinco De Mayo content contained in the post today. I just don't care.
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