Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-August 15, 2008CE

1) This Russia-Georgia situation is just getting worse and worse. How dare the Russians invade a sovereign nation because they believe they are helping their own rejoin their nation. Everyone knows you only invade a sovereign nation if you have to get oil (which you never do, because somehow Georgia ends up with a 80billion dollar surplus and you are left with the dinner check) or the leader of Georgia tried to kill your dad 10 years ago. But American hypocrisy aside, Georgia is no match for Russia, and since I am totally ignorant on this and many other issues, I don't know of any political of diplomatic efforts have been made to secede from Georgia and join Russia. Maybe that should have happened before they started rolling the tanks everywhere. And if you are totally clueless as to what goes on in your community and world, as so many young people are, I want to remind you that this doesn't mean that the Russians have invaded Turner Field.

2) Speaking of Georgia (the southern state, not the country (where ostensibly they aren't stupid enough to believe shit like this), two rednecks have found bigfoot. And that was reported by several news organizations, the least of which is CNN. So even with thousands of refugees and the Russian army marching across its' land, the nation of Georgia is still doing a little better than its American counterpart.

3) In sports, a former Soviet won the women's all-around gold medal for women's gymnastics for the USA, beating out her teammate in HAND TO HAND COMBAT!!! This has really turned into the Russian edition of AMEO this morning. Next thing you know we will continue start killing political dissidents and taking their farm land for the common good.
Looks like Major League Baseball is going to have instant replay for home run calls soon. And unlike the NFL, where refs are supposed to admit mistakes (which we all know men are superhappy to do all the time), MLB has set up a war room in New York to review these calls to help with objectivity. Good Idea©, says Bearsuits Are Funny!
And finally, it wouldn't be a Friday if John McEnroe wasn't getting thrown off a tennis court somewhere for something. Good job, John. Keep up the good work.

4) One of my favorite humorists, Al Franken, is making a serious run for the Senate in Minnesota, his home state, and you know I endorse him because I'm a fan of his on Facebook. Which brings me to my next question: Why aren't The Kids In The Hall the Prime Ministers of Canada?

5) In entertainment, Chris Noth is leaving Law And Order. Again. This time it's Criminal Intent. So a few months ago, I had surgery. All there was to do all day long was to lay there and watch Law and Orders, CI and SVU, because they are always on. Now I can't stop watching. The CSI's can kiss my fucking ass right downtown, and print it!

6) We have Louisiana readers and Arkansas readers, and I think we can both agree that this is not surprising in the least. (The previous statement does not indicate that Bearsuits Are Funny thinks Arkansas residents and natives are not subhuman or white trash pieces of garbage. They most certainly are.)

7) NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!1!!!!!!!

Well, that's about it. I leave you with a little blast from the past to whet your whistle for the upcoming football season (and playoffs):