Good morning all, and lets take a quick poll. Who set their alarm to PM instead of AM therefore being a good hour and a half late to work? If you are me, then you win!!! Lets get right to the stories:
1) This just in: Children are shitty seamstresses. Apparently you just can't keep those little buggers off the looms, as most children here and abroad love to work 18 hour days amidst human excrement making sweaters for yuppie jerks who think the quality between old navy and the gap is the grand canyon when in fact its the sewer pipe running from your house to the main line. Congratulations, child labor organizers, you are blazing a path to history with your continued work for the rights of children to work...just like mommy and daddy!!
2) Steven Colbert continues to kick comedy's ass with a two year old Robin Williams joke. South Carolina--the state of dreams
3) How to save money: Stay in a hotel. Save your receipt. Wait 60 years, and then go back to said hotel to stay at the original price. It's a win-win situation. Just make sure you stay alive, that's a big part of the plan.
4) Wait, Halloween wasn't designed from the beginning to allow women to dress like prostitutes and flaunt their bodies all the while wondering why men stare at them? This article reminds you that yes, children participate in Halloween also, and at some point in your life you did too.
5) The oldest animal was found the other day. And guess what, it's not Lindsay Lohan's syphilitic tape worm. It's a clam found in Iceland. This clam was alive when Shakespeare was writing plays, which is to say, when Francis Bacon or any number of other candidates were writing plays.
Well guys, that's about it for this installment. Time for me to pretend to do work now. It's just like Jack Benny said: "Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air."
Monday, October 29, 2007
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