And The Lord Said "Let There Be Waffle House"

Why did nothing interest me today? Here is a rundown of what happened and why it doesn't affect me:

1) California is on fire. I don't live in California, mainly because I am opposed to massive and continuous natural disasters. I will stick to the rare hurricanes and tornadoes, thank you very much. You have to really hate yourself to live in a place where the only thing that can put out the constant burning inferno will instead cause your massive abode to tumble from it's hilltop perch in an avalanche of mud and trees.

2) Monday Night Football. The undefeated Indianapolis Colts will take on their AFC South rivals the Jacksonville Jaguars. You see, here are the facts: I woke up today and the sky was still blue and my lungs still processed oxygen and Tom Brady got me 54 points in my fantasy league--BY HIMSELF!! The Colts certainly have a shot, as they always do, and the Jags might be a one loss team but are really just an excuse for Jack Del Rio to wear a shittily designed suit. I will do what I always do for Monday Night Football: Watch Chuck, Two and a Half Men and then flip around until I remember there is a game on.

Al Tielemans/SI

A Fist Reserved For Supermodels

3) The Alabama State Board of Education voted to become the first state to endorse the textbook The Bible and Its Influence. The textbook is historical and cultural, not devotional, and is being used by 163 schools in 35 states. Normally I would be up in arms about bringing religion into public schools, but really, this is the best of all possible outcomes in a situation that could get much worse. We are talking about Alabama here, not Oregon. Oregon legalizes marijuana for a hangnail, and Alabama hangs you for smoking marijuana. The fact that this book deals with the bible by discussing its cultural significances, while implying it's truth as a religious doctrine through what I can only assume are verbal asides and cues from the teachers, is much better than what it could be. Why does this not affect me? Because I don't have kids, don't plan on having them for another 60 or 70 years, and never ever plan on moving to Alabama.

There we go. The only three things that happened, and they are all boring and useless. Perhaps tomorrow something will happen that is interesting. Otherwise I will be forced to discuss a state in the deep south electing a Catholic, Indian (dot, not feather) American the youngest governor in the United States. I just hope this doesn't effect Tom Brady.