1) A copy of the Magna Carta was sold for $21.3 mil from a foundation founded by Ross Perot to a group highlighted in Fahrenheit 9/11 for being all over the Bush family. Just so you are on the same page as everyone else, the birth document of modern freedom just went from the hands of the biggest crackpot of our time to the hands of a bunch of people who would love nothing more than to take your basic freedoms away. Yikes, that was all kinds of political. Let's try to steer clear of that from now on.
2) The first family of Louisiana has done it again. Ambassadors of the class and culture we have to offer in the Magnolia State are going to produce another scion to carry on the fight for respect in this fractured and prejudiced nation. Of course I am referring to Jamie Lynn Spears getting knocked up at 16 years old. These Spears girls need to be spayed in Bob Barker's living room before they can populate the world with more of their demon seed. The only good thing I can say about the Clampetts is A: At least this child isn't living in her own world with little to no grip on reality, and B: At least her father isn't constantly putting his hand in her crotch like Papa Joe Simpson. To illustrate what will happen if the Spears' keep having children and we keep electing southern governors president, I present this--
3) Bill Parcells to take a front office job with the Atlanta Falcons. Sure why not. After the first two surreal stories I have just written about, I will believe just about anything right now.
Well, that's just about it. It's like Terry Crews as President Camacho said in Idiocracy: "I know shit's bad right now with all that starvin' bullshit. And the dust storms. And we runnin' out of french fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution."
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
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