This Show Stinks!

A year or so ago, when I didn't have any bills, I bought an Ipod. I had let my XM subscription lapse some time before that, and was bereft of talk radio, which I prefer to listen to at work, when driving, or drinking absinthe with my pet kangaroo. I didn't want to mess around with any Nano crap, so I got one of the big boys, only 30 gb, but still: that's a fairly good amount of data.

Seeing as I had never had a reason to use Itunes before, the experience was new to me. As I was playing around, grabbing up all the Bonnie Tyler and Michael Bolton I could wrap my grubby fingers around, I noticed the large amount of podcasts available for download. For those of you reading this blog from a nursing home, a podcast is just a radio show which is available for download at any time. It's great for those of us not able to dedicate 3 to 4 hours of time a day for listening to the radio at a certain time of day. There are amazing things to be found on Itunes. I never watch the ESPN shows Pardon the Interruption or Around the Horn any longer. I listen to them on podcast. I have my favorite NPR shows, Fresh Air and This American Life. Independently produced comedy shows, including Never Not Funny starring Jimmy Pardo and the SModcast with director Kevin Smith. The great thing is Itunes will download them automatically letting me save those precious calories used moving the mouse around for masturbating in the corner of Banana Republic.

Another Fine Member of the Bearded Brotherhood

Around that time I happened upon an amazing show. Tony Kornheiser, of The Washington Post and Pardon the Interruption had a show on Washington Post radio. This show concerned sports certainly, but was more of an extension of his popular style section column. More about him, his family, his life and what is going on with all things Tony. He is a compelling storyteller, with a not so disguised rage always boiling underneath, not unlike Billy Graham or Mother Theresa. Tison and I both loved his show, and listened everyday, although not together (except for that one time in front of the fire wrapped in the fleece blanket, but that's another story for another day).

One day I tuned in (figuratively) to find out Tony was leaving the airwaves (also figuratively) to do his other other job, third mike in the booth of Monday Night Football on ESPN. I was crushed, and once Mr. Tony left I let the subscription fall from my list. The days turned to night and my world, which was formerly filled with the vibrant blues of a cloudless sky, the blazing oranges of a setting sun accompanied by a tall glass of Iced Tea, and the verdant greens of swaying grass in a cool spring breeze, was only shades of grey.

This brings us to last week. Monday Night Football is over and a wonderful thought popped into my head. "I wonder if Tony will be returning to his radio show." That was the thought. See how wonderful that was? So I crank start my model T computing device and search for Tony Kornheiser in Itunes. Low and behold, the guy who had taken over the show as a place holder was still going strong with new shows. I subscribed once again and began listening. I personally don't like the guy as much; he's a little old school radio, which means unfunny and corny, but he did tell me something which brought the colors flooding back int my dark world: Mr. Tony will be back on the air, 2 hours a day, the 21st of January, the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Eight.

So there it is. Your imperative to listen to the Tony Kornheiser Radio Show. Do not shrug this off, for if you discard this information your life will be shorter, your wife will leave you for your best friend's son, and your kids will put you in a 4th rate nursing home and use the profits to buy a better father. You have been warned. Oh, and also, if you're out on your bike tonight, do wear white.