Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-March 28, 2007CE

1) We begin with some new discoveries of the oldest examples of two of the most important inventions of the past 200 years. Of course I am referring to Viagra and Gold Bond Medicated Powder. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, ho ho ha hhhooooooo. Actually, I refer to the earliest known recorded human voice, a French woman singing, as it was recorded on soot covered paper in 1860. The first link has an audio link to listen to the recording and the man who deciphered it as he explains what the hell it is. The second story tells us that for more money than your house is worth you can own the earliest prototype of photography. It's a camera-less process which gave us a leaf. But that leaf has long been raked into a pile and burned by the fire of history...

2) George W. Bush Economy Success Story # 342356. Enjoy the recession.

3) This story, brought to you by Nick, is great for many many reasons. The most obvious thing that makes me happy about this news is that emo kids (those whinybaby fucks who mope around walmart, wearing mascara and Freddy Kruger sweaters and scarves, attempting to not be seen following their middle class soccer mom around. They spend their days writing bad poems about how no one understands them and how homework is so hard, making sure that their perfectly coiffed, greasy hair hangs just so over their eyes, and wanting to fit in with a peer group so badly they choose the lowest of the low. Seriously, Band Nerds are more interesting than these personaltyless followers. Oh yea, and the music sucks.) get beat up by mobs of metalheads. I agree with Metallica on this one: Kill 'Em All. Second, there was a Crybaby reference. Crazy John Waters movie, which is like all of his other films. Third, the article contains the word "clusterfuck" which gets not nearly enough use in modern journalism.

Well, that's about it. It's like John Waters said: "To me, bad taste is what entertainment is all about. If someone vomits while watching one of my films, it's like getting a standing ovation. But one must remember that there is such a thing as good bad taste and bad bad taste."