Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-April 17, 2008CE

1) Man, Pope Nazi I sure is busy in Washington. First he gets picked up at the airport, then he skips out on a dinner in his honor, and now he will stand in center field of the new Nationals Park and tell everyone not to use condoms when they have sex for fear they might not get AIDS or HPV. Ok, that's probably not the exact dogma of the edict, but it's the result.

2) One bright spring day, Bruce Springsteen strolled through his secret garden. The sky was the clearest azure, as if the atmosphere were made of diamonds. The grass between his toes was just shaking off the last of that morning's dew and Bruce decided to use his enormous power to do something unprecedented. Bruce Springsteen, the greatest rocker in the history of the universe, decided to endorse Barack Obama. Imagine that, an entertainer being an Obama supporter. This is going to blow the roof off Pennsylvania.

3) Senator KKK is still alive and kicking. How the people of West Virginia elected him in the first place is amazing. Who just accidentally joins the KKK, and then becomes a democrat? And THEN sits in the United States Senate for 50 years? I hate the 50's.

4) There is nothing wrong with this article. The girl on this show is an insufferable twit and I am looking forward to the upcoming episodes. I want the fragile wall she has built around her psyche to crumble down like Jericho, and I want the other kids to leave her a sobbing mess. I'm not one for kids being cruel to one another, but come on. Even the parents of this awful child must recognize they have raised a friendless lonely slag who will never form any sort of social relationship with another human being.

5) NNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6) I get bitched at because of my facebook page having too many applications, but I don't have near as many as some. Granted, sometimes I have to go through them and cull the herd, but still. I'm not the worst, which was the exact same thing Warren G. Harding said to George W. Bush, when they never met because time machines haven't been invented. HISTORY JOKE!!1!

Well, that's about it. It's like Bob Hope said: “When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.”