Post Meridiem Eye Openers-May 30, 2008CE

1) Always the bastion of tolerance and understanding, the Vatican issued a new decree explicitly stating that women cannot become priests. Mainly because if the little boys start getting fucked by women priests, then where will all the gay pedophile male priests going to get their nuts polished? These jokes just write themselves, folks...

2) Speaking of gays and religion... Ok, so I'll admit it: I was in the Boy Scouts for 14 years. I attained the Arrow of Light in Cub Scouts, and Eagle Scout, with a gold palm, in Boy Scouts. I'm also an atheist. Wanna know how I got around that?: I shut my fucking mouth. I have a friend I've known my entire life from scouts. Later on he came out, but is religious. Guess how he got Eagle Scout?: he never fucking talked about it. What activists on both sides fail to understand is the old axiom go along to get along, and, possibly, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. And I imagine that at least 50% of the Scouts don't give a shit about these rules, and 50 is a conservative number (I hope). That was my soap box of the day.

3) In Sports, the Lakers defeated the defending champion Spurs last night to put them in the playoffs for the first time since 2004. That's all the fun stuff for sports. If you want to know more; go read ES-fucking-PN.

4) I thought this was how all the Japanese lived???

5) When the rarest Rhino in the world starts attacking the media, then what hope is there for the hard working members of the 4th estate?

6) Here is an interesting story about the transition of John McCain from Navy Captain to Lawmaker, and eventually his party's nominee for President of the United States. Just interesting, no funny quips.

Finally, we say goodbye to Harvey Korman, Hedley Lamarr in one of Bearsuits Are Funny's favorite films, Blazing Saddles. He was also an integral part of The Carol Burnett Show.