Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-June 2, 2008CE

1) I told you weeks ago that the New York Times has an unnatural obsession with Louisiana and our politics in general. Well, they have done little to prove me wrong, because here is another in their monthly series on Louisiana, this time once again extolling the virtues of how awesome Bobby Jindal is. I tend to agree, but because of his character, charisma and work ethic, not his politics of selling the government outright to the religious right and governing a state with some of the biggest touristic sites in America, and one of the largest sea ports, by believing that two people wore fig leaves over their junk and ate pomegranates because a snake told them too. That's not a way to be created and live, that's schizophrenia, and there are drugs for that.

2) The AMEO is quite NYT heavy today, with another wistful look back at the nation's heartland. The Center of America a metaphor for just how far we have slipped as a nation. If by slipped you mean this spot was never anything to begin with, and still isn't, and it confuses the hell out of people that look at a map and can't understand how the center of America is in South Dakota.

3) In Sports, the Cubbies are on top of the majors in June for the first time since 1908-the last time they won a World Series. The later half of the 19th century and the first decade of the 20th looks like the Cubs were up against a bunch of girls field hockey players, but since 1908 the beloved lovable losers have screwed the pooch so many times its just starting to not be that funny anymore. But they are strong this year and I for one sure as hell hope they continue this trend. Oh yea, and Mark Pryor is out for the season. Sorry to hear that. Not surprised at all, but sorry.

4) 44 year old women buying crack cocaine is hilarious in a shouldn't you be dead before the age of 44 if you use crack cocaine kind of way?

5) Said the self-absorbed cunt at the end of the article, "I don't give a shit about lost property and historical sets, such as the one used in Back to the Future, and I don't care that countless copies of television and movies were incinerated. And I don't care that firefighters are risking their lives to douse the flames. All I care about is heaving my 75 lb thigh-flanks onto a tour tram and riding around this theme park, drinking $9 coca cola classic and stuffing cotton candy down my craw."

Well, that's about it. It's like Pigman said in PCU: "'A Bridge Too Far.' Caine and Hackman in the same movie. This is my thesis man! This is my closing argument! I CAN STOP WATCHING TV!"