Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-June 10, 2008CE

1) Sen. Jim Webb of Virginia is being touted as a possible Veep candidate. I would never have figured he was an actual choice, and Timothy Noah agrees in spades. Webb would be the Bandit to Obama's staid, but eloquent, Snowman. I think Obama might need something more akin to an Uncle Jesse to his own Bo and Luke-ishness. His choice will be much harder than McCain's.

2) Are we really supposed to give these guys a big round of applause? Shouldn't they have blocked child porn websites, oh I don't know, the day the internet was invented? Why has it taken this long for the companies to crack down on something which from the beginning has been ruled to not only not fall under the first amendment, but in the hierarchy of prison, child abusers get killed by the other murderers and robbers on like, the first day.

3) In Sports, every one's favorite baseball player, Ken Griffey, Jr., finally hit his 600th home run. He had been sitting on 599 for a good 9 years it seems, and he did it at Tropicana Field, the Calcutta of baseball, but still. Congrats to him. Michael Strahan retired yesterday capping a Hall of Fame career. He plans on moving to Vegas and joining the David Letterman Dancers. Get it, because of his teeth? Get it??? 21-7. If you were thinking that's a football score, then you, my friend, are sadly mistaken. 21 is the number of runs scored by the LSU Tigers baseball team in a decisive rout of the UC-Irvine Anteaters to send LSU to their first College Baseball World Series since 2004. it was the perfect way to send out the Box, with the largest crowd ever, and an ungodly number of home runs.

4) The new Chief of Staff for the US Air Force, for the first time in history, will not be a bomber or fighter pilot. Instead, former C-130 cargo plane pilot Norton Schwartz has been tapped to head things up. And it looks like the jock-flyboys on the flight line will be none to happy to see this career nerd in charge of things. It takes someone "from the outside" to make the changes necessary to bring the Air Force along in this time of change. More fighters?? Who will you be dogfighting with? Russia? The Nazis? It's time to do some redefining.

5) In Science, dare I say we are witnessing the sort of evolution which moved humans to the top of the food chain. Is the monkey in the picture the ancestor of Dr. Zaius? Does this monkey still tickle his ballbag with a stick and then smell it? All this, and more, can be found in your local library! In ancient Rome, all the poor had their jaws fused together. OK, so its possible not all of that is exactly true, but who's to say I'm wrong??!!?? Oh...Scientists...

6) And finally: Huh?

Well, that's about it. It's like Jeremy Piven as James "Droz" Andrews said in PCU: "You remember this guy? He skippered Hitler's catamaran during the war."