Personal Details Which You Don't Care About

So I figured I would let you know whats going on around Bearsuits Are Funny Headquarters. A week ago, I woke up and it felt like a thousand tiny elves were dancing on my back and chest with golf shoes. Obviously I was concerned, but I knew it wasn't a heart attack. Not because I am a 25 year old man, and not because of the immaculate shape I keep my body in (see picture below), but because my arms weren't numb. And I'm a man, and I believe that if I ignore a problem, it will go away. That should tell you a little something about how I live my life.

Above Referenced Picture

So I had 4 days of this pain, off and on, until Tuesday night, when I went to the ER. After 5 and a half hours of hanging around, getting tests and watching Seinfeld, I was diagnosed with Gallstones. Gallstones are formed in the Gallbladder. The Gallbladder is a non-essential organ which temporally stores the bile produced by the liver. Bile is a common digestive fluid that helps to digest fat, and is the reason your poo is brown. Unless your poo isn't brown. If your poo isn't brown, then you really need to see a doctor. Now, no one knows how gallstones are formed, but what I do know is the gallbladder is located next to the liver, and the gallbladder contracts when bombarded by a high fat diet. So lets combine my carefree diet with my careless alcoholism and you do the math.

Here is the deal: Friday I was supposed to have my gallbladder removed laparoscopic-ly. That's when they make 4 or 5 small holes, insert tools, scopes, whathaveyou, and take your gallbladder out, without actually making a real incision or all that junk. The recovery time is minimal, and it takes much less time for the actual procedure. (after all this, I feel I could moonlight as a Gastroenterologist) That would have been awesome, if I could have had it done on Friday. But I didn't.

You see, as far as we can tell, one of my gallstones left my gallbladder and traveled down my bile duct, increasing my liver enzymes in the blood. The bile duct connects the liver to the digestive system. When the gallstone became lodged in the bile duct it obviously interrupted the flow of bile from the liver. That's not so great. The bile had to go somewhere, and that somewhere is my blood stream. Also not so good. So plans were put on hold so that they could perform a procedure called an ERCP. No, not the 24 hour sports network(HAHAHAHA. ha.), but they would stick a tube down my throat and sweep out the bile ducts. Not as bad as it sounds.

But of course, my fucking liver enzymes decreased so there was no reason to sweep my bile ducts, and in turn, too late in the day to take my gallbladder from my rapidly deteriorating old man body. So Tuesday is the new day, which puts me at a 5 day recovery time before I leave for my cruise. I say all of that to say this: Bearsuits Are Funny will be down for at least 2 weeks, because of the surgery and subsequent lavish vacation. Now I have no problems handing the reins over for these next two weeks to someone who would like to check out the various news organizations and let us know whats going on in the world. Just let me know if this might be up your alley.

Excuse me, Captain Steubing, where is the Lido Deck?

So the main point is that I probably could power through the pain and make pithy comments through my loritab haze, but I just don't feel like it. What can I say, I'm just a lazy, high-fat diet, heavy drinker at heart. No matter what some fancy blood test says. And don't forget: Bearsuits Are Funny Radio tonight, at 10pm on KSCL Shreveport 91.3fm. I will be there tonight, but next week it's all Tison, so give him all the support you give both of us-which is minimal at best. Thanks!