Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-June 18, 2008-Tison Editiion

It is that time of the day again when we all come together and learn a little something about the world and, let's face it, ourselves thanks to Bearsuits are Funny Online and Interactive Software Systems.

That last part was really something I just made up for right now but it will eventually be the name of our legitimate corporation which will be a face for our illegal cock fighting racket. If you are free on Saturday nights you should come on down to the docks for some amazing fighting. Just make sure you bring a lot of cash and an open mind because things can get really interesting.

Well, I suppose everyone came here for some of todays interesting and top news stories and as I do not want to disappoint...

1. The Boston Celtics rained punishment and pain all over the Los Angeles Lakers last night winning 131-92. This is the biggest margin of victory by a team in a championship clincher since the Celtics did it to the, you guessed, Los Angeles Lakers in 1965. Traditions are nice and this tradition of the Celtics beating the dog crap out of the Lakers is definately one that I can get behind. If anyone is keeping track, my two favorite traditions are the Celtics mollywhopping the Lakers in NBA Finals games and when the Tison family goes to the movies on Thanksgiving. Just thinking about them makes me smile.

2. The music festival Bonnaroo was this past weekend in Tennessee. This may have been mentioned on this website or perhaps you heard about in number of conversations with a random hippie, hipster, or trust fund kid. Either way, a lot of people wanted to hear Kanye West, who for some reason, was playing there. (People going to Bonnaroo to see Kayne West is a bit of a problem for me but I do not want to get into that right now.) Of course, by playing there I meant he would show up on stage at 4:30 in the morning and not even do a complete set. This apparently pissed off the crowd. Mr. West better learn real quick that the way into a hippie's heart is to always be prompt.

3. Firefox 3 came out yesterday. This is apparently the only thing in the entire world that is actually going on because it is everywhere on the Internets. Forbes magazine even wrote a column about it for their website. I was under the impression that the team over at Forbes consisted of thirteen to sixteen 93 year old men in which the term Firefox would only ignite memories of tales from their childhoods about the great Firefox who created the world in only three days. Apparently I am wrong and they even have the gall to tell me why Firefox matters in this age of computers and communication. I just want to make sure that everyone also knows I am currently using Firefox 3...I cannot tell the difference besides the fact the buttons look different, which is why Firefox matters to me.

4. According to the AP the number of refugees around the world has risen to ll.4 million. How in the hell does the AP and the U.N. get a census on the number of refugees in the world? Do they mail surveys to every person on the planet? Is it best to start off by just walking up to people in the streets and asking them if they are, in fact, refugees? I would think that would be pretty damn offensive and not to mention time consuming. This is proof, to me, that most major organizations have no idea what is going on anywhere in the world but to try and garner interest for their cause they pull magic numbers out of their asses so that they can try and get people to care. The only trick is to make the number big but not too big where anyone would begin to question its authenticity. I mean, think about, ll.4 million refugees is a number that makes sense for some reason.

5. Finally, here some political news from the Wall Street Journal. At least it won't be dry and boring and filled with nonsense that no one off of Wall Street and our dads can understand. Wait, no thats pretty much all it is. Just thought that someone out there might want to read some legit news regarding this country and the candidates who are trying to run things for the next four years. This article discusses taxes and stuff in a way that flew over my head with a lay over in Kansas City and finally on to San Francisco, where is was beaten to death by some open minded tenth graders as too, "East Coast Stodgy," which apparently is a real problem for young San Franciscans.

Alright, kids. I am out. Have a good day. Sorry no video or picture but I just cannot find anything I like right now.