Afternoon Boner Jamz-June 19, 2008

Sorry astute Bearsuits readers for being so late with the update today but I over slept and I do not have a job whose only function is to give me eight billable hours a day to surf the web. So I am going to have to just hook you up with some afternoon eye dazzlers.

1. Apparently God is not infallible and He does get hurt and when He does it is so huge that He is out for a year or more. I think it is important to stress the fact that Tiger Woods has already qualified for the Ryder Cup, which is not until September. Unfortunately due to Woods' uncharacteristic injury he will not be able to play. This would be similar if all across the world they gathered the best bitchers and my mother had jaw surgery the week before and she couldn't attend. It seems almost unreal.

1a. Read what the trailer park Tiger Woods had to say about this. Phil Mickelson is someone who I do not like for some reason. It may be because he continues to get his ass handed to him every week and he still feels like, for some unbelievable reason, the world of golf and Woods himself does not respect him. Well Phil, we all respect you, we just think you are a worthless, whining loser. Ok, that was a joke, no one respects him.

2. All the wrong people are procreating these days and it is starting to wear me down. I just am frightened that my children will have to go to school with the children of these dribbling morons. I am so glad we live in a world where the biggest story of the day is what unmarried, attention whore had a bastard child and when they had it. It just pulls on the cockles of my heart to know that nothing in this world is above glamorization by the media even the fact that a couple of teenagers decided to slap genitals and the world's worst botched abortion came out nine months later. Hooray! Congratulations slut.

3. Barack Obama is back in the news today for deciding not to spend public funds on his bid for the presidency. This is the first time a major candidate has turned down the public funds since Watergate, which, I believe, was the impetus for the whole thing anyway. Do not worry faithful Democrats, Obama will have no trouble raising the funds because millions of 18-25 year old voters are going to give him donations till the election and then "forget" to run out and vote for him. I am sure Obama will be very grateful for the money you have given him in what will undoubtably be considered by historians as the first time a black man has been giving money by rich white kids while not standing at a Circle K pestering the clientele.

4. Oh my goodness. Just reading this article made my hands go numb and my ears bleed. How is it possible that this could happen? Are people in this world really this dumb? A bunch of 16 and under girls making a pact to get pregnant? Does that even seem real to anyone else? Of course, it wasnt till later that I remembered how last year Russell and I summered in Massachusetts and made a pact to inpregnate all the 16-year old girls we could find. We hadn't heard anything since we got back from the trip so I assummed we were both infertile. I was also shocked to learn that those girls actually believed I was a 24-year old homeless man. I figured they just bought that story because they wanted me so badly it didn't matter what I said.

Alright, I think those articles and my biting insight into the nature of the world will hold you until the morrow friends. As always it was fun and I am sorry it was late in the day but sleep is an important part of life and I wanted to get as much as I could this morning.

Check out this picture. I think it explains a lot in terms of how unbelievably crazy people are in this world, which also shows you how unbelievably hilarious the world is in its own way. Good night friends.