Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-July 15, 2008CE

1) From what I've been able to surmise through similar stories I've come across, in British universities the position of Chancellor is filled by a celebrity. More like the Queen of the government (there for ceremonial occasions) than the Prime Minister (for the actual running of the government). Now we all know I've never exactly been the biggest fan of school, or class, or books, or yield signs but even I know that the head of your university should be someone with a professional steak in the education system. Or a moustache. Both are equal qualifiers.

2) I love this quote from Max Barclay of the London Natural History Museum, regarding a new species of insect found on the grounds of the museum:

"I don't expect to find a new species in the gardens of a museum," he said. "Deep inside a tropical rainforest, yes, but not in central London."

Never in your wildest dreams would you expect something the size of a grain of rice to hide on only one species of tree in the middle of sprawling London for hundreds of years. Let's all remember this was probably not the result of an exhaustive study of the grounds, but some jerk researcher eating lunch out of a crumpled brown paper sack. Why do the British get a pass on their overbearing arrogance worldwide, but Americans are vilified for our more muted, down home arrogance?

3) In sports, Josh Hamilton put on a fucking clinic at the Baseball All Star Home Run Derby presented by Kotex, or whatever, by shattering the single round record for Home Runs hit with 28 (the previous record of 24 by current who?!?-boy Bobby Abreu) but he petered out in the final round when the totals are reset to 0. Justin Morneau of the Twins beat The White Horse 5-3 for the crown of best batting practice hitter of the first half of the season. This just in: lots of people hate Derek Jeter. Also news today: gas is costly and pickles are cucumbers.

4) Ok, this Rock Band game is a ton of fun (much like your mom) and it is sounding like it's getting better. I know new instruments are in development and I am super excited to get to play Pinball Wizard. Oh and Guns N' Roses new song will be featured on the game. Also, I really hope they include the new track from Def Leppard.

5) Well, that's about it. It's like Axl Rose said: "Thanks, but I'm not God. If I were God, 3/4 of you would be girls, and the rest would be pizza and beer."