Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-July 16, 2008CE

1) Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the constitutional waters, this kind of shit pops up. I swear to god, when presidents begin to actively circumvent the constitution of the United States of America you know what you get?? New York City will be turned into a prison and then Kurt Russell has to save the future president from almost certain death. That's what's on the horizon folks; it can't be avoided...

2) You know folks, I'm as liberal as you can be growing up in the south and that's why I can say with a straight face that I think taxes are OK because they serve the public good more often than not, and I believe in equal rights for all and hunting rifles are great and handguns and automatics should be outlawed which in no way infringes on the lawful gun owner's right and I believe that criminals and murderers should serve their entire term and fuck them in their cancer ridden brains if they slaughtered 9 people in a LSD induced cult-haze. This lady had such a weak mind that Charles Manson told her to kill people and then her weak brain got brain cancer, which might be too good for a psychopath. Karma's a bitch.

3) In sports, I stayed up for the entire All Star game last night, which ended around 12:45am central, 1:45 Yankee time. And of course I went to bed disappointed with the American League winning again. Dan Uggla made his mark on All Star history with 3 errors, 3 strikeouts and 6 men left on base to pretty much seal the fate of the National League. All Star Boston Jerkoff J.D. Drew garnered the MVP award with his home run and frilly pink underwear. I love history, and the history of baseball is a particularly deep and rich trough of information. Like this old timer with his floater crap pitch who struck out the games greatest. These are the kinds of stories you can't get in soccer.

4) I think we Americans should start a fund raising drive to help out the impoverished Queen of the United Kingdom. She does so much good with her hats.

5) In entertainment, beware house fires jumping from house to house sporadically and uncontrollably. And if I can work in a 'Superman riding a horse' joke I will; I have no values or morals. It's been one week since you looked at me, one day since you've been booked on a 4th degree possession of a controlled substance. Those crazy Canadian fucks!

6) NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, that's about it. It's like Ted Williams said: "Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer."