Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-August 25, 2008CE

1) Now this is ripe fodder for a Law and Order episode. I would have to put it in the Special Victims Unit's wheelhouse, because this is probably a sexual type thing. Of course Criminal Intent might be on the case because of the lack of response by the neighbors. And of course, the flagship Law and Order might be on the case, but I have no clue who the detectives are on that show any more. Either way, if you hear screaming for half an hour, you might want to call someone. And that some one is Papa John's Pizza!! With their dinner specials you can't beat the prices!!

2) The New York Times fulfils it's Louisiana obligation by highlighting the erosion of the coastline, a problem children are taught in 3rd grade in Louisiana, and no one cares about anywhere else. The levees brought stability to some parts of the state, and devastation to others. Entire industries, centuries old, are being dismantled brick by brick. But it's just dumb ole' Louisiana, fuck 'em. (No comments from the peanut gallery, Nick)

3) In sports, The U. S. of A. won their first gold medal in Basketball since the 2000 Sydney games beating a once vanquished Spanish team again. This brings U.S basketball back where it should be. Obviously first. We have the most talented players in the world, how we haven't somehow won gold and silver escapes me.
And Time has a wonderful photo essay to remind you of all the wonders these Olympic had to give to the world. Such as rampant and blatant cheating by the host country in any and all sports. I can't wait for them to shanghi the 2045 Shanghi games. Get it?? Same word, two different definitions. Man I'm good.
Your boy Matt Ryan, formerly of Boston College, now of the Atlanta Falcons, is the future of the club, if you change the meaning of future to right fucking now. Ryan will be starting under center this fall, and I can only assume he is the next David Carr, racking up the sacks and concussions until he has to go to the group home.
Just stop. You, Strahan, actually have a future outside of playing football. You can actually make a good analyst or color man. Just stop right now.

4) New Dancing With The Stars contestants include Warren Sapp, Maurice Greene, and Misty May-Treanor. Now, why Misty isn't dancing with her partner, Kerri Walsh is beyond me. They would win hands down. Of course you all know that I abhor most reality television, especially this contrived crap, but I would be a fool-A FOOL!-not to watch Warren Sapp throw a pixy fairy girl around a dance floor.

5) A second, and more forceful NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, that's about it. I leave you with a video you have to see to believe. It's called Baby Preacher, and it was uploaded by username pentecostalvideos, so that should tell you a little something. Good Night, and Good Luck: