Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-August 28, 2008CE

1) Continuing with expert coverage of the Democratic National Convention, last night was the much anticipated speech by President Bill Clinton and Vice-Presidential candidate Joe Biden. Clinton really poured it on think, especially since American knew just how mad and hurt he was that his wife didn't get the nomination. And Biden showed that he hasn't grown out of his lifelong gaffe and misspeaking problem. "George--John McCain" If it wasn't on purpose, it should have been.
Speaking of Clinton, she interrupted the roll call vote to motion for a vote of acclimation to make Obama their candidate. It was a total PR move, but seemed to work for those in attendance. So we have the first African American candidate for president (from a major party, like that matters. What would any other party really matter? It doesn't.)
I had fun when I went to Denver, but then again, I went specifically to watch a baseball game (it was great) and try to drink as much as possible (it was the last Baseball Road Trip® before I turned 21). Turns out, when you pack a couple hundred thousand drunks politicians into a city, they are looking for something a little bit better than a quiet case of Coors in their hotel room. Amateurs.
Finally, in convention news, Slate has plenty of political ringtones, and two of them are serious. The rest are gaffes, and primary rhetoric which the speakers are now furiously trying to forget they ever said. Take a look, there are some darn good ones in there.

2) Jon Stewart is the hipster's Walter Cronkite, because I don't need Charlie Gibson telling me whats going on in the world, because he is far too serious, and rarely utilizes sarcasm in his delivery. Now Brian Williams, that guy is more like it. But The Daily Show is at the conventions for the next 2 weeks, and here is a quick rundown of what it is like to work on that show (Awesome!)

3) In sports, Shawn Merriman has shown his ability to see more than 3 days into the future doesn't exist, as he has decided to put off season ending knee surgery to go ahead and play one more year of football. And when you play football with two torn knee ligaments, that's pretty much a guarantee that last season was his last one that mattered. Have fun with whatever pension the Players Union can get you.
It's begun, at least it will have tonight, when North Carolina State visits South Carolina tonight for the first real football game of the season.
The Mets have retaken first place in the NL east, while the Red Sox have beaten the Yankees in the last RedSox/Yankees series in The House That Ruth Built. I love a Yankees free postseason, and so does the rest of America. Not ESPN though; those dickcheeses hate it, but at least they have their beloved Red Sox.

4) Trying to kill yourself for the environment really doesn't help anything, and the sooner wackos realize that and start putting their efforts to something constructive the earth will be better off. But you have to admit that sailing to Hawaii on coke bottles is pretty badass.

5) In entertainment, my hero and one of the few people I truly want to meet, Aaron Sorkin, has begun to work on a movie about the early days of the guys who invented facebook. If anyone can take a boring pedestrian subject like facebook and make the characters actually walk while they talk about facebook, it's Aaron.
Another month, another unfunny _____ movie from these fuckholes. Honestly, I hope these guys get raped by a AIDS-infected Orca.

6) I know two people who could fix this Florida citrus problem: Randolph and Mortimer Duke. If anyone can deal with Orange Juice Futures it's these two captains of industry.

7) I still use Firefox.

Well, that's about it. It's like Aaron Sorkin said:"'Is it (Sports Night) a comedy or a drama?' That's generally not a question I try and answer for myself before I'm going to write something. The example I would use is, if you're driving in your car and you're listening to a rock 'n' roll station on the radio and a song comes on, and in the song you hear elements of jazz and folk and you hear strings in there ... it's not necessary to answer the question, 'Is this jazz, is this folk, or is this rock?' before you decide to listen to it and like it or not."