Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-September 2, 2008CE

So, I think by now we all know that I don't do a lot of posting on days I don't work. So, of course, BAF was silent yesterday, Labor Day. You know what else was silent? The part of my brain that should have said, "No bartender, that's enough" on Sunday night. And tomorrow will be no better, because unless Gustav decides to make an unscheduled stop in DFW, I will be attending the 1:30 day game of the Seattle Mariners versus the Texas Rangers. Try to contain the excitement when faced with the knowledge that I will be seeing the mighty M's. You can't do it, can you? Speaking of Gustav...

1) Hurricane Gustav made landfall yesterday morning, giving the state of Louisiana it's first major test since Katrina 3 years ago. The state performed admirably, evacuating over 2 million people from the path of the storm. Where this intrepid reporter sits, it has been raining all night, but that is it. No terrible damage. It is not safe for evacuees to return home, and they should heed the advice of their parish and state leaders. I'm just kidding, do what ever the hell you want. Let's go grab a case of Natty Light and throw Molotov cocktails at the animal shelter!

2) Now that we have burned down the animal shelter (and didn't they deserve it!!), lets talk about the Republican Convention. Now, it's been made clear what I think, but I almost feel bad for these delegates. They couldn't win for losing yesterday, having to temper the excitement of the first day of the convention with the somber attitude required for Hurricane Gustav. Their message gets smashed between Sarah Palin, her pregnant whore of a slutdaughter, her husband's membership in the Billy Martin Fan Club, her involvement in firing a peace officer for making decisions about his own life and emotional well being, and Gustav. My friends, the Republicans now have 3 days to make it up in the press, without looking like they are having a good time in St. Paul. Not an easy task, and one, I'm sure, the Democrats are happy they don't face.

3) In sports, Shreveport native Richard Collier, a backup offensive tackle for the Jacksonville Jaguars, was shot up in Jacksonville and sustained life-threatening injuries. What is going on when a man can't just sit in a car outside an apartment without worrying that he is going to get shot up by some crazy maniac for no reason? i know that has a sarcastic undertone, but I don't mean any. It really is nuts how many people get shot up for no reason.
In what turned out to be a pretty good game between the SEC's Tennessee and the PAC-10's UCLA, UCLA came out on top of an overtime win when Tennessee's kicker Daniel Lincoln missed a field goal. I sure hope they allow me to blog from Angola, because I have Lincoln on my college fantasy team, and now I have to go make an example of him to any other kicker I may draft in the future.
I have a deep seeded need for Greg Maddux to top Roger Clemens in the all time wins list. He just seems to be the anti Clemens/Bonds, and besides using my considerable mind power to keep the big oak tree outside my window from falling into my room, I use most of it to push Maddux to the W column.
You know when you play EA Sports' Tiger Woods PGA Tour and you spend 45 minutes creating a character that you think looks like you, but in reality it looks like Archie Bunker with a funny hat and sunglasses? Imagine waking up every day and turning the game console on and playing your game. Not the one you bought, but the one with you on the cover, so when you play as Tiger Woods, you are Tiger Woods. Also, I assume the Swedish Model wife and eleventy billion dollars don't hurt...

4) What is this, Russia? Seriously, like I give a shit. Cap all you want, it's not going to stop me from checking out interracial midget amputee porn...

5) Yep. This is probably the best use of time and resources. I'm all for historical preservation. Just the other day I was trying to get donations to save the old Phillips 66 station in Amarillo, TX where a young John Ritter stopped on his way from Burbank to New Orleans for a bachelor party in 1979. Important stuff...

Well, that's about it. If you would like for your mind to leak out of your ears, then please watch this for a while. It's stream of consciousness news from people with no conscious. She talks on the phone while on her webcam. It's like watching your mother clean the living room. Why would you?