Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-September 26, 2008CE

1) The first presidential debate is tonight-or is it? John McCain has said he wouldn't leave Washington until a solution to the financial crisis has been reached, while everyone else asked Why? Whatever. I just can't wait till that Vice Presidential debate. Jiffy pop and an RC cola will round out that night of comedy.

2) Are you tired of your children? Do you have a rowdy teen that just won't listen to reason? Do you like corn? Then head on up to Nebraska and drop your kids off with the state. It's free! And while you are there, spend some of your savings on Agate Fossil Beds National Monument near Harrison, NE.

3) In sports, holy shit. The Oregon State Beavers humbled the University of Southern California Trojans (the near consensus number one team in the nation, and if you asked some, the physical embodiment of the Holy Spirit) buy presenting them with a loss, to the tune of 27 to 21. This early loss gives the fightin' douchebags of USC time to recover in the polls, but still, not good for a number 1 to lose to an unranked opponent. I think I speak for everyone when I say "yay!"
The Minnesota Twins swept the White Sox to move into first place in the AL Central. Apparently the Sox were too busy with their thumbs in their asses to hit a ball and run.
If you missed the baseball season, here is a nice recap and analysis for the high and low lights.

4) They have found bedrock dating to 4.28 billion years old. To put that in perspective the earth is 4.6 billion years old. Or if you believe in the bible, it's 6000 years old. Either way, that makes these some old rocks. John McCain remembers camping on these very rocks in his mid 20's. BAM!!!!

5) The ultimate badass from yesterday completed his goal of flying across the English Channel on a single wing rocket pack, or something. I'm too busy with this boner thinking about rocket packs to think clearly.

Well, that's about it. I send you into the weekend with one question. The same question Ex-Royals coach Hal McRae has: Why do you keep asking me these stupid ass fucking questions?