Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-September 9, 2008CE

1) In the genius move of picking an unknown woman from Alaska, the Republicans have guaranteed that the news cycle is all about Palin all the time, and not so much on John McCain who isn't the best friend of the traditional base, historically. Of course you may ask, why is that good? They only focus on crazy stuff like the lies in her speech(BTW: this guy obviously hates Palin, but the surprising thing is that he hates the entire state of Alaska and it's inhabitants), or the fact that she belongs belonged to a Pentecostal church, complete with tongues and snakes and burning crosses and human sacrifice. All that talk just consolidates the evangelical base around christianity (to them that means republicans), even if its not their own brand, which is probably just as nuts, minus the human sacrifices. They use lambs, like in the bible.
Barack Obama is above this partisan bickering and mud slinging which is what he is banging away on how out of touch and deep in George Bush's pocket his opponent is, especially considering the economy. And in turn McCain is spouting made up numbers to support his made up facts regarding earmarks, and specifically Obama's participation in the pork barrel process. Also, in a turnaround, Obama is going to double the funding for Charter School programs, delighting god knows who. It sure isn't teachers because he's also going to get rid of the stupid ones, and that means each class room could potentially have 14,000 students.
How to write a speech 101. ...and we have to stop Mimi from screaming about Screaming Mimi...

2) In some international news, Kim Jong Il might actually be ill. (HAHAHAHha. I'll let myself out...) His absence from the 60th birthday of the communist dictatorship he rules with an iron spring roll has been taken to mean his health is in decline.
Thailand is not so good with the governing or the thinking about governing or the appearing like they don't live in a maelstrom of shit and piss. Apparently they are good at pretending to be Bobby Flay. And that is why each nation has something to offer the global economy and culture.

3) In sports, Roger Federer won his 5th straight U.S. Open in tennis, and his 3rd in golf. Wait, Roger Federer does play golf, right? And backgammon. It's possible I don't know as much about tennis as my calm cool exterior would lead you to believe...
The Oakland Raiders are a pitiful, horrible football team, a team which can only be saved from oblivion by the existence of the Arkansas Razorbacks...
Aaron Rodgers proved that for one night, at least, he can bring the spunk and excitement back to the Green Bay Football Packers. They beat their rivals the Minnesota Vikings at home, prompting Adrian Peterson to exclaim, "Oh god, my knee!! Oh, my knee doesn't hurt. I'm just so used to getting hurt when I walk..."
Don't care. Never did.
I'm not going to lie to you. I hope they go to Shreveport, but they will lose so much fucking money it makes that near impossible.

4) Speaking of games and how they don't matter, really (that's the PC line I have to say; it's a total fucking lie) Hurricane Ike is coming into the gulf, with a projected landfall at Corpus Christi, TX Saturday morning. But all gulf states are preparing. And for towns like Baton Rouge that could present a problem.

5) In entertainment, How is Neil Diamond not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame yet? I feel like Michelle Obama did a year ago: ashamed of my country. And you have to be nuts to think Bon Jovi is not going in. They are great. And when does Huey Lewis become eligible? That's the ceremony I'm gonna watch.
These next two stories are not entertainment, per se, but they sure entertain the shit out of me. This asshole has eaten 23,000 Big Macs, and I'm sure spent 23,000,000 hours looking at kiddie porn on the internet. And apparently the country is at terror alert plaid because they are moving the KFC recipe. I think I know the only person who can keep the famous chicken recipe out of the wrong hands: NYPD Detective John McClane.

6) I don't want to be mean, but Stephen Hawking has gotten fffaaaaaattttttttt. Put the doughnut down, renowned physics professor and Lucasian Professor of Mathematics, a post Isacc Newton once held, at the University of Cambridge. And don't try to eat the Higgs Boson, if it is found this year at CERN, tubby.

Well, that's about it. It's like Chubby Boy Hawking said: "All of my life, I have been fascinated by the big questions that face us, and have tried to find scientific answers to them. Perhaps that is why I have sold more books on physics than Madonna has on sex."