Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-October 28, 2008CE

1) We, as Americans, usually forget that the rest of the world exists, but other countries are having just as much fun as we are. Iceland, for instance. Their entire fucking world is collapsing on their heads and you know what they do: fish. Well, that's not implicitly stated, but I mean come on. Those squareheads* love to fish. And then pickle it for some reason. On second thought, fuck Iceland.

2) Warning: The next two articles have a slight lean to them. First, Christopher Hitchens, noted whatever, explains how Sarah Palin wants the world to end and dislikes just about any scientific research for anything. Which isn't scary at all. The second is about my friend, and probably not yours, Al Franken and his improbable run for the Senate from Minnesota. The guy knows more about policy than most people in Congress and, shit: I've said things that would make him puke, so just because people say things, doesn't mean they aren't serious. I mean, conversely, look at Bush, he says all kinds of serious things. Doesn't know what they mean, but loves saying them...

3) In sports, the Tennessee Titans are living up to their name, defeating the Colts last night and improving to 7-0. As they mounted their steeds and ran across the land, leaving death and destruction in their wake, Sarah Palin exalted their appearance until Elizabeth Hasselback reminded her it was just a football team, and all they are good for is a paycheck.
We have some more baseball to watch, as the potentially last game was called for rain with the Phils and the Rays tied at 2 in the middle of the 6th inning. That means, weather permitting, they finish up the game tonight. Rays win, they head on to another game; Phillies win they take home a ring. And share it.
While not exactly sports, I finish this little paragraph with 3 words. Governor. Charles. Barkley.

4) Trust me, from experience. The region that this kid came from in Arkansas. It is not some hotbed of racism or skinheads, but it is poor. Real, real poor. And poor beget boredom and boredom beget restlessness and restlessness beget anger and anger beget these assholes. Wanna know what's scary: there is no way these are the only 2 kids planning something.

5) For those of you who like "music", and "good music" at that, then you probably care that a bunch of washed up old coots want to pack up their ensure and hobble back out on the road. You'll know it's them when you see the 3 million dollar tour bus driving through Iowa with its left turn blinker on.

6) My oh my. If I had a nickle for every time I had to be carted off a bullet train with a high-power toilet attached to my arm after I stuck my hand in to fish out my cell phone... I'd be a rich, rich man. Wait, did I say high-power toilet? I'm sorry. I meant high-power fake plastic vagina. Get it? Because I'm so pathetic I would need a sex toy vagina to masturbate with? Oh whatever, don't you fuckin' judge me!

Well, that's about it. I leave you with a fake campaign commercial from last week's SNL. It's basic and crude and I giggle like a schoolgirl every time I see it.

*Yes, I did just use a racial epithet from 1870 which I got from watching Deadwood.