Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-November 24, 2008CE

1) With the news that life is in the shitter, President-Elect Barack Obama is announcing changes like a man who announces changes. SIMILE ACHIEVED!!! He has announced his economic team, or as they will be known in the history books, the group who fiddled each other as Rome burned. They include a bunch of old Clinton people and, not surprisingly, your mom.
In a related story, like many of us Obama is a self-professed Blackberry nut, and with his rise to the most powerful man in the world status he now has to give that up. But how else will be look for porn when he has squirreled himself away in a white house bathroom between meetings??

2) Do you have a job? Do you hate that job and wish you could move on to bigger and better things? Well, then you are a disillusioned asshole, because you had better keep that job for as long as you can. Throwing sawdust on kid's vomit at the elementary school? Sign me up. Cleaning out the grease traps at the Italian hair salon? I'll do it. Making baseless and uninformed semi-jokes at news topics? Job's taken.

3) The BCS is in such turmoil and I'm so excitblah blah blah. My team is a steaming pile of pig shit and Texas Tech got booted out bad by Oklahoma. (Insert your own Bob Stoops stealing Mike Leach's pirate booty joke here)
The Tennessee Titans were delt their first loss of the season by the Brett Favre led J-E-T-S JETSJETSJETS!

4) I pity the fool who takes A-Team role playing games go way too far...

5) This is the best thing Facebook has ever done for the advancement of this nation and this world as a whole. Keep on fighting the good might against nutrition and a healthy body image!

6) Remember what I said about getting a new job? Forget it.

Well, that's about it. It's like Matthew Lillard said in Thirteen Ghosts: "We're in a machine designed by the devil and powered by the dead."