Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-December 2, 2008CE

Jesus Herbert Christ. I just reread the last post and I called Robert Gates the Secretary of State---TWICE! How insane is that? He's the motherfucking Secretary of Defense. That's a rookie mistake and I apologize.

1) In politics, Arizona Gov. Janet Napolitano has been tapped as the third Secretary of National Security. Napolitano, or Nappy to her friends, is known for her moderate stance on immigration and her prize winning saltwater hush puppies.
And if you know nothing about your new National Security Adviser, here he is, Gen. James Jones. Jones, or Jonesy to his friends, is known as a battle hardened marine of over 40 years and for his prize winning jalapeno hush puppies.

2) Hey, ancient Peruvians: brush your teeth, you dirty assholes. You're gross. Seriously, everyone talks about it.

3) In sports, this regarding Lance Armstrong's return to the Tour de France:

In September, {Christian}Prudhomme said: “One cannot say that his comeback is good or bad news. But it really is news … It’s making noise everywhere”—and that nearly everybody seemed to have an opinion about it.

I'll tell you what: I don't have an opinion about this at all, because I live in America where we have Baseball, Football and Minor League Hockey. We don't need skinny Frenchmen and Sheryl Crow's castoffs gumming up our ESPN.
If I knew the emoticon that shows a face crying, I would insert that here, but it would be used in a very sarcastic manner. I refer you to the comment above.

4) Let's all go see the center of our democracy. Now in new "not-boring" flavor!!

Well, that's about it. Since the stories are lacking, I leave you with two videos. The second one is just audio, really, but it's B.B. King so you'll take it and like it.