Don't Judge Me, Tivo...You Prick

Why does my tv want me to eat pizza?

Serves you right, you bastard...

Now if you think this is some sort of existential question like "Why is the universe?", or "Who makes those hard plastic tips on shoelaces?", it is most certainly not.

We have a tivo in the living room, and while it is the bees knees compared to regular television, it is the first generation, so you have to watch what you are recording. This is a minor problem because I record everything at night and what not, so I'm really bitching about nothing.

Bitching about nothing. I find myself doing that more and more the older I get, but lets be honest with one another, internet rando, I've done that for a long time. I found myself this very afternoon complaining about fabric swatches and Oxford, Mississippi...in the same sentence. Just raging against the dying of the non-existent light produced by these garish colors and the pseudo-capital of Columbia for no reason. I finally realized that I was turning into a 26 year old Larry David.

So I go back inside to watch tv, and as I pause the tivo to go do whatever-it doesn't matter because I'm lying-my tivo implores me to order Domino's Pizza. And this is certainly not the first time. My tivo must think I'm the loneliest fatass who ever lived, when everyone knows that was Queen Victoria. Look it up. Who am I, your own personal wikipedia???

I'm all about technology, but if you can't reach into your pocket to pull out your phone and call the goddamn pizza place, then you really don't deserve to eat. Quit wasting my oxygen. I don't mind you eating yourself to death, but at least put some effort into killing your heart.

So what have we learned today? Tivo is making a swiss bank off of Domino's Pizza. Lime green should never be used for curtains. And Queen Victoria lost her husband Prince Albert and never recovered. We also learned that the following song I leave you with kicks ass. If you have time, tool around the ole youtube and check out the Bathroom Sessions, from the Barenaked Ladies. It'll make you feel good.

Maybe not as good as tv pizza, but then again, what is......