Do You Think They Have Honey BBQ Sauce in Wichita?

Something inexplicable happened last night.

Well, not so much inexplicable, more like something very much explicable.

For years I have had 3 friends accompanying myself on "Baseball Road Trips". These trips may or may not include all 4 of us, nor do they necessarily include the road, but they do include baseball, and they do include fun. Last night, for the first time in more than a couple fortnights all 4 of us were in the same city, so we decided to get together for dinner and football. Where? Only the best money can buy: Buffalo Wild Wings.

Now, I could tell you all about our first-time server, and how we unwittingly scammed him out of 6 extra boneless wings, but the ending to that story is I didn't have to make a fool out of the server and an ass out of myself, plus I got free blue cheese. Great story, I know, right?

What I will tell you about is one of my friends, Harold Baines. But wait, Russell: You know Harold Baines? The greatest designated hitter in Major League history???

No, don't be retarded.

My friend really likes Harold Baines, so I've bestowed that nom de plume upon him.

We're reminiscing about old baseball road trips last night, and planning another one for a bachelor party to come, when it starts up. (Can I just take a minute to tell you something? Did you know that Chase Field in Arizona, formerly the BOB {Bank One Ballpark-name of the century}, has a pool in the outfield you may rent out for the night to entertain your guests? Well, it does, and I'm going to tear the curtains off the window, make a dress out of them, and pull carrots out of the ground for basic sustenance because as god is my witness, I'll rent that pool out for this bachelor party!! Back to your regular programming...) We're discussing the various road trips we've been on, and the various midwest states we've driven through to get there, and the general consensus since the beginning of time is that Kansas is the worst driving state in the Union. I thought we had agreed on this as a nation.

We have not, apparently, because Harold looks me dead in the eye and tells me Arkansas is the worst to drive through. It sounded inexplicable, and the aforementioned disaster with the food had put me on edge, so I immediately lit up. "Is that a joke? Why in the world would you say that? There is nothing in Kansas." His reasoning: because it lacks a north-south interstate within its borders. I was appalled. Arkansas is terrible in its own right to be sure, but one thing it is not is unpleasant to drive through. The mountains and lakes of the Natural State are beautiful and to say Kansas is better to drive through because of a highway is ludicrous.

We spend 6 or 7 minutes going back and forth about this when the light bulb above my head goes off just as I see the twinkle in his eye. The argument was over with the next words I spoke: "You don't believe anything you're saying." Harold chuckled in agreement, and we continued to bicker, Arkansas vs Kansas, until we tired of the game. Harold Baines likes to be contrary, even more so than I, and I say that with a great deal of self-flagellation. I really like to be contrary, but Harold...he takes the cake.

And that's what's so great about friendship. We spend so many years learning about each other that it would be almost unfriendly not to use that information to screw with one another. Harold knows I will snap at any bait he throws out there, but he also knows I will catch on. None of these activities detracts from our relationship, in fact they enhance it. Because we enjoy it. And if you're not enjoying your friendships, what's the point?

Besides free buffalo wings...