T: I would totally judge him. But do not judge me, I had to go vote, because I care about America. And I care about you and your family. Kisses America and Republics in general.
R 10:11: I like to imagine Corso and Desmond Howard living together in an apartment in Bristol. Each week we get to look through the looking glass to see just what it is like for these friends/lovers.
R 10:17: Insert your own Mark Mangino being morbidly obese joke here.
R 10:25: This man (Corso) was at some point in human history in charge of a football program because some poor Athletic Director thought that he had enough knowledge and mental capacity to guide a team to improve themselves and win games against other teams. What I want to know is, where is that AD now? I assume never far from a tree with a nice length of rope.
R 10:31 Remember when Nate Longshore was mentioned in the same sentence as Heisman a couple of years ago? Yea, me neither.
R 10:32: CROWD SIGN ALERT--This one is an acrostic using the name TEBOW. It says Tim Even Bows in Our Woodson. That is weak, sir and/or Madam. Weak.
R 10:38: Can't ESPN just leave all the inspirational player almost died/has a neuromuscular disease stories to Jeremy Schapp and Bob Lay. Why do they have to shove these things down our throat all damn day, especially at 10:45 in the morning. I haven't even gotten to the best part of my Egg McMuffin (The monopoly pieces) before I have to learn about some heroic kid who was the 5th string kicker for Delaware State and how he was the heart of the team and doctors didn't know if he would walk again.
R 10:41: Of Course, Jeremy Schapp. Tell us all about it.
Here is a personal Uniwatch-esque peeve: ESPN is the worldwide leader and cannot figure out how to put an accent mark above the players name, and not at the end. Andrè becomes Andre`. It's Lunacy.
R 10:48: Desmond knows something about the heart of a champion...mainly because he looks up inspirational quotes when he is hanging out in the back of that bus
R 10:55: I don't understand the bonus pick. Why can't they just pick all of the games anyway? I have no problem with them just picking all D 1-A games, and putting them up in a graphic while they drone on and on about Oregon and Michigan State. Then get to the individual picks for the games that matter. It's all about parity in college football coverage, which I think we can all agree is the most important thing. GO PAM WARD!!1!
R 10:59: Herbstreit looks at Corso like a old man looks at the crap in his pants--with awe and amazement that once again he finds himself in this situation
R 11:02: ESPN 2 Iowa at Purdue--Yes, I turned to ESPN 2 on purpose, mainly because I am a masochist. The sweet, sweet sounds of Pam Ward. This is another game where Tison and I picked different teams.
T 11:06: Picked different teams to win yes. But we both agree that Pam Ward should be the mother of our respective children. Go Iowa! Hey Curtis Painter. Lay off the paint chips buddy. You look like we feel.
R 11:07: HaHa, you bastard! You took my Curtis Painter is high as a kite reference, and ran with it like Curtis Painter runs with pot, which is to say, to his room to smoke it.
T 11:12 As Russell runs to the shower this show becomes mine and mine alone. Also, we are in desperate times when the only games on are Big Ten, but it is early.
T 11:15 Being a fan of a team in the Big Ten this year must be like cutting your face with a knife only to find that you are doing it wrong. Purdue just hits Iowa with a touchdown and I cannot help but wonder if any team from this conference can show up on a week to week basis.
T11:18 7-0 Purde. I mean come on Iowa, you outplay a good Ron Zook team last week and now Purdue marches down the field and embarrasses you. I do not understand, one must realize that football is actually played week to week and not just once a month, like your girlfriend and her special friend.
T 11:21 Just saw that Indiana just scored a TD on Penn State. 7-0 Indiana. I am speechless. Just like Paterno before his nap, and apple sauce. I know its first quarter, but I am a reactionary.
T 11:23 The crowd at the Indiana v. Penn State game may not be there. I cannot here anything going on. Also, ESPN needs to stop letting fans call out the starters. That was awful and more proof that most Americans are just way too ugly for anyone's good.
T 11:25 Penn State v Indiana is an unwatchable game just due to the lack of energy, and both those teams suck apparently. Two dead tree sloths hitting the soft ground have more passion and energy. Its a sad day when Purdue and Iowa are giving me the most goosebumps this early.
T 11:32 Iowa's offense looks like it is not sure what all "this" is about. Did someone forget to tell them they are playing a game? Purdue's defense, however, smells this confusion and is using it to their advantage.
T 11:35 Nice pick guy with German/Easter European ancestry on Iowa's defense. Something about Pam Ward screaming difficult to pronounce ethnic names seems right. They keep saying his name, which I believe is just for fun at this point. Klinkenborg?
T 11:38 Iowa's offense received a gift wrapped present and start on the Purdue 35. However, they come onto the field looking like a kid on Christmas morning whose parents got too drunk and did not lay out the present. Confusion, anger, tears.... Stomp off with a field goal. 7-3 Purdue
T 11:41 Thought that Penn State and Indiana had lulled the ESPN announcers to sleep because when I clicked on I did not hear anything. I would not be surprised. This game sucks harder than your mom.
T 11:41 I want to send a letter to Lincoln Financial Sports and introduce them to HD broadcasting. The Tennessee/Bama game might be coming to us LIVE and in Technicolor.
R 11:44: WOW, this got ugly real fast. I haven't seen much today but after reading the past few minutes of coverage apparently everyone is sucking horribly. I think Tison should try out for Chris Fowler's spot on GameDay as the person who explains how bad each team is, and just exactly how they can get worse
T 11:48 Did Penn State miss an extra point? Miserable football. I guess Penn State has in fact become to move just like their coach. Except when he is behind the wheel of anything with an internal combustion engine. 7-6 Indiana; 3-0 Bama; 7-3 Purdue
T 11:55 It is a bias, I am willing to admit this. But SEC football is leagues ahead of Big Ten football in excitement and overall atmosphere. Just try switching from ESPN to Lincoln Financial Sports and you will see and feel it.
R 11:58: Yes, the quality of broadcasting between Lincoln Financial and ESPN is amazing. The thing I like about Lincoln is how it's almost impossible to discern the teams, the quality of the signal is so bad. Bama touchdown at 6:59 left in the first
R 12:02: Doth mine eyes deceive me? Is Vandy leading South Carolina by 10 this early in the game? Do we have the beginnings of an upset on our hands? Will I ever stop asking questions without answering them? Stay tuned to find out!!1!
R 12:05: Chris Brown, TE of Tennessee: Giving up on the play since 2007!
R 12:10: Iowa State over Oklahoma by a touchdown with 3 and change left in the 1st quarter. I saw a vignette about 1981 being the year of the number one upset, but this year seems to be a watershed year for college football. Obviously the games are nowhere near over, but back in the day, the extreme underdog wouldn't have a chance. This year, everyone seems to be on the same level in one form or another.
R 12:15: My friend Jackson has just informed me of a LSU players facebook, in which said player tells someone to "suck a bag of aids dicks" I cannot believe I have not heard this. It is amazing, and I certainly hope it enters the common vernacular, sort of like how "Can I borrow that pen?" has.
R 12:25: Hey do they have a crystal Bear Bryant hat? That is a fantastic waste of money. I remember how Bear Bryant was always wearing hats made of glass. It's classic Bama football--Roll Tide!
R 12:33: Some updated scores in this day of ridiculousness. At the half, North Dakota State is beating Big Ten alsorans Minnesota. Indiana is keeping pace with Penn State. Purdue is beating Iowa, and Oklahoma is losing to Iowa State, but still by that 7-0 score. Vanderbilt is still on top of South Carolina, and in the game we are watching, Tennessee has jumped ahead of Alabama.
T 12:38 This day of ridiculousness my friend? Every week has been such. We know its early, but come one. ND State beating anyone in anything but hockey makes me cry. Bama just scored on TN making it 17014 Bama. This is just another one of those amazing weeks of college football. Oh wait, every week is because this is the best sport in America and the world. Blog it, read it, love it bitch.
R 12:42 Tison just realized how awesome the sports package is from direct tv, so he will be moving to the living room so you can have double the recapping action. Congrats!!!
R 12:46 Welcome to Yale at Pennsylvania. Playing football the way it was meant to be played: poorly and sparsely attended. For Christ sake, one of these teams is nicknamed the Quakers. That's like rooting for the Wyoming State University Fightin' Hindus
T 12:51 Russell, we might need to call Bob Stoops or something because Iowa State is taking it to them. Even though OK just stopped them on a 4th down attempt, its a glorious testimony to the wonders of college football. Although this is making my picks look horrible. Vandy beating South Carolina, Texas losing to Baylor. Come on.
R 12:55 Do all the networks get together and decide to go to commercial at the same time. We have a good 10 games available to us and can't see a damn one of them.
T: 12:58: Oklahoma? Hello I am earth. Just wanted to let you know that I was here and perhaps we need to meet up today and figure shit out. I know that Iowa State is beating you by only 7 and the first half is almost over, but maybe while you are in the locker room we can meet up and kinda, get on the same page. Thanks, just let me know.
R 1:00 I love watching this Texas Baylor game because all I can see in my head is the Bluegrass Miracle over and over in my head. Guy Morriss, you and your prematurely gatoraided shirt are a putz.
T 1:03 Two things that I have noticed so far today that make sense. Wisconsin is beating Northern Illinois, and by beating I mean raping with a the sharp end of a broken broom stick. And Minnesota is losing to a DII team. I refuse to use the FCS moniker that has come into fashion.
R 1:06 UPDATE: You are all on the edge of your seat because Temple is a TD ahead of Miami of Ohio in the premier MAC showdown of the first slate of games. I repeat, for all your Mid American Conference news you hear it first--HERE!
R 1:09 Versus is getting good games all of a sudden. Of course I would not like to be playing as the favorite. Stanford beat USC two weeks ago and Cal got beat last week in their televised games on versus. Remember, Versus is also where you can see hockey, remember hockey. No, it’s a sport. With the ice and the sticks. Well it’s been around for a while.
T 1:10 Nick Saban looks angry enough to eat a baby, a human baby, again. His team is up on TN by two scores and he looks like someone just kicked his daughter in her bits, or posted a picture of his niece on a blog dedicated to SEC poon. HA! Someone did that.
R 1:16:
T 1:17 Penn State up on Indiana..finally. I guess Paterno really put the pedal to the metal at halftime and gave them a a real brow beating. How many references to Joe's road rage can we make? Stay tuned, because I bet it will be a lot. Oh, and Russell makes girls cry after they invite us to hang out with them. Swill that around and try to swallow it. Its bitter, like Russell.
T 1:20 As we move deeper into the second half and into the meat of the day I would like to take this opportunity to thank Krystal Burger for making the first and only commercial that deals fetishes. In particular, steamers, and how much SEC girls love them before the game or anything else for that matter.
R 1:20: Because one of us is a proud member of the KKK (Hint: it’s not me) I will be checking in with the Grambling State/Jackson State game. Grambling is about 60 miles down the road from where we live, so they are not as much of a mystery to us as they are to the rest of the country. When you listen to people who know, you will always hear them mention Grambling as one of the more storied programs in college football. As a member of the SWAC (a historically black conference) they play smaller teams but consistently win. Eddie Robinson, who recently passed away from Alzheimer’s, was the winingest coach in football and in this area, a legend. If you like football, I suggest reading up on Grambling just for the information. It can’t hurt, and will most likely expand your view of the history of the sport.
R 1:31: These cheesedicks calling the Yale/Penn game are as energetic as a paraplegic with lupus. Yale recovers a fumble in the Penn red zone, Bulldogs gaining yardage slowly, but Penn is still up by 3 with 14 minutes left in the game.
T 1:43 TN quarterback, Ainge, looks dismal right now. Bama's defense is not this good, just TN doing its part to make them look so. Bama still leads...
Colt McCoy might be the reason Texas loses today. Keeping a team like Baylor in this game with the way this season is going does not mean good things for the Longhorns. Stupid penalty by Texas' Sergio Kendle. Unnecessary roughness. Stupid errors and poor execution have been and are the lifeblood of the upset.
T 1:50 Oklahoma coughs up the ball on a run. Iowa State recovers. Teams are tied, third quarter. Just another feather in the cap of the Upset gods who have taken control of college football. Refer to the previous post...upset freaking nation right now in most games.
R 1:52: Some updates from around the league:
T 1:56 Oklahoma's defense steps up huge, as they have all year. The reason this is a better team than their current ranking and a viable national championship contender. (Nod to Corso) Their offense is also good, just not seeing it today and they have been shoddy all year.
T 2:01 Texas and Oklahoma are the better teams talent wise against their respective opponents. This is becoming clearer as these games progress. But both opponents are sticking around. Makes me wonder what it all means anymore. Bob Stoops looks like a sad bear. 7-7 OK/ISU; 10-7 TX/Baylor Both in the third
R 2:06: True or False? Wake Forrest won the ACC last year. The decided to let Navy score 24 points to their 27. Odd coaching decisions, but lets see how it plays out.
T 2:08 Texas puts some distance between themselves and yes, the Baylor Bears with TD rush. 17-7. Oklahoma also scores a TD. Perhaps the these teams' coaches have started, I don't know, coaching, players started playing, maybe.
T 2:20 Pittsburgh up on Cincinnati, the golden baby of the Big East this year. Umm, if this morning is a precursor to the rest of the day I might have to retire. My heart cannot take it. I do not do enough cardio for this shit. The mustache is not on the field in this game. I wonder if it is to distracting for his players because they know they will never have such a wonderful monument to manhood attached to their upper lips.
T 2:31 My partner has gone the way of Cincinnati and fallen asleep so I will continue this on the afternoon blog and talk about the morning games at their conclusions. So stay tuned as the football world turns and Russell drools on a pillow.
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