Picking it to the Man

Pine no longer sports and bearsuits fans, the time for my picks is at hand. They will not be as in depth as Russell's due mainly to the fact that I do not have the time during the day to make them so as my job requires actual work and acrobatic miming of work that Russell is so adept at.

Also, last nights game with USF against The University of New Jersey , aka, Rutgers was just another page from this years catalog of "upsets." I really do not consider this an upset since USF is not the number two team in any way, shape, or form. Even if that form is one of a twelve year old bull from the middle of the state of Florida. Where bulls and cows in general have long been known to hail from. Rutgers is not a good team either. Both of these teams play in what is an over hyped mid-major conference talent wise, the Big East. Anyway, I am glad the USF lost so that the media can begin to lick the balls of another team.

On with the picks...

Friday Night:
Louisville vs Connecticut: I am not quite sure if Louisville knows that the college football season has officially started yet and Connecticut is a football team whose relevance might still be located somewhere in Never Never Land. That being said this game will most definitely disappoint whoever loses because neither team should lose to the other. I will say Louisville just for the shear fun of not picking the team Russell did, and I think that in some way they are the better team. Although I am not sure in what.

Saturday:
Penn State vs. Indiana: Penn State. Only because Paterno would rather hit a four year old on a tricycle with a Humvee than lose to this team. Lions come ready to play and make it appear they want to win the Big Ten.

Iowa vs. Purdue: Iowa. This is a team that stunned Illinois last weekend and will be high off that win. Purdue won't win because they couldn't play defense against Iowa's woman's softball team. Also their offense leaves me with questions.

Oklahoma vs Iowa State: Oklahoma. Oklahoma wins this game because they are playing Iowa State, plain and simple. If the Holy Trinity Itself were to come down and guide Iowa St I might give them the edge, but still, the Sooners are too damn good to lose here. Defense and that powerful offense win the day. Finally!

South Carolina vs Vanderbilt: I am shocked I have to pick this. South Carolina. If you have questions as to why you need to ask yourself why you are reading a college sports blog. Go knit your husband a sweater, feeds your kids or something. Just get off the internet.

Alabama vs. Tennessee: Alabama. It pains me to say it, but Saban and the tide will pull this one out. Even though they should not, they will.

Saturday Afternoon
Texas A&M vs. Nebraska: I will refer you to Russell's post about this game. Nebraska in a game that matters for no one but these two teams and really, their coaches. Oh and their fans.

Florida vs. Kentucky: Two words, Tim Fucking Tebow. I know that was three but you can go f-yourself. At least that is what Tebow would say if you corrected his use of cliches. Florida wins this game because Tebow literally picks up the rest of the Florida team and carries them into th end zone. He then proceeds to take the whole team out for steaks and drinks after the win. This of course, leads to him banging your girlfriend. Only because he can and he will. He is just too damn good. Oh, and they have not won a game in three weeks. Meyer might be going through withdrawals and no one wants that.

Mississippi St. vs West Virginia: West Virginia. Although MS St. is very much improved on both sides of the ball this year and since the opener against LSU, West Virginia is just too damn much for them. Slaton and White will make Christmas ornaments from the souls of the Bulldogs defenders.

Cal vs. UCLA: I picked Cal...look at the title here. Cal is good and UCLA sucks. They lose to everyone they play and I mean that. Everyone. The Bears also need to resurrect themselves from hell after their loss two weeks ago. The Bruins play football like your grandmother runs marathons, poorly and very slowly.

Hey everyone USC and Notre Dame play this weekend. You probably did not know that because you do not care. USC in a big win over a team that needs to find itself, or perhaps just an offense. I believe if one were to look in New Orleans you would see the remnants of what Notre Dame used to be. This game has not mattered in a long time because USC has been too good. This year is does not matter because Notre Dame is so bad its too hard to put into words.

Missouri vs. Texas Tech. Missouri. Sure Texas Tech's offense is something to behold and blah blah. Missouri is a better team. I would think by now that teams would learn how to defend Tech's amazing offense. Its called the Spread. A lot of teams play it, I believe Missouri can defend it.

Virginia vs. Maryland:Maryland. Terrapins are a decent team and the Cavaliers are just a shade worse than that. I think this game goes to the team that just bores the other team to tears with nothing noteworthy happening.

Michigan vs. Illinois: I like Illinois. I am not sure why. Zook is a better coach than anyone else believes and that bring me back down to earth loss they suffered last week might have woken them up. That being said, Michigan is a better team now than they were eight weeks ago. I think that Henne back spells doom for the Wolverines. Zook gets himself a nice conference win.

Auburn vs LSU: I believe this game will be better than advertised. I think the loss last weekend woke the Tigers up to reality and they will come out screaming. LSU in a much better game than we think. Bayou Begals are too tough on both sides of the ball and Kentucky woke up a sleep walking giant last weekend. Auburn also does not seem to be able to keep any momentum going.

Tulane over SMU because its been a while since anyone cared. Washington beats Oregon, they are a better team and I like them this year to do well in the Pac-10. Kansas beats Colorado. A better than advertised Kansas teams takes it to a perennial underachiever.

Thats it. Discuss and comment. Or just bask in my genius. Both are good but one is better.