Wii Came, Wii Saw, Wii Had No One Show Up

I hate this fucking job.

The cool events we plan around here are not just me for you know. I work hard, twenty hours a day to put something together for you no good degenerates and what do I get? A Nintendo Nun-chuck thrown right into my ball sack. Hey, you know what college kids like? Video games, perhaps, even those that are relevant to this generation. Why not throw a Wii Tournament and undoubtedly kid will be beating down the doors to sign up. I mean, its a chance to play video games and win some cool prizes, like money. But after tonight, who the fuck knows what these assholes want.

Where are all those college kids who would love to win money and play video games? At home, or hanging out with their friends drinking beer and, oh wait, playing video games. Maybe they are studying. I doubt it, I can tell by gleaming at the idiots that roam the Student Union that the only thing they study is a glass pipe. I wonder if they can muster up the energy to put down their bongs before they pass out on top of each other. But that is ok with me, because I get to show up here at eight in the morning and come up with some ideas to get them to be more involved on campus. Maybe we should just allow them to smoke their drugs and drink their alcoholic beverages right here on campus. I bet they would show up for sure maybe they can fuck a monkey while they are here. It makes me sick.

Coming to the Moon Rock Gala Ladies?

I gave up a lot for this gig, so my wife could live closer to home. I had a pretty sweet thing going on at the last place I was working. Cranking out ideas for thankful and useful students all the while making five figures, high five figures. Now I am stuck in some redneck backwards city making dirt and my wife left me. You know why she left me? Because she met a police officer who was working a wreck she got into a few months after we moved here. She tried to call me, but I was in a meeting coming up with ideas to unite the student body of this third rate shithole. Well, she took off with him and his fingering me in the ass bravery. Now I think they even have a kid. I do not know, she stopped answering my phone calls and emails last year. But hey, its cool. No one has to show up for the video game tournament we scheduled or anything. Maybe we can have a stripper keg party in the commons with donkeys and rap music.

I'll just go home, swill a bottle of NyQuil and try to forget the last five years of my life. Do not have time to meet anyone, nor would I want to in the land that evolution forgot, a real fucking Galapagos Island. No, I am always at the school, if you can call it that. Its more like a special institution for kids who can't read good. Ha, that is the only thing I have going for me right now it seems. Ben Stiller, who makes movies so often you can time your watch, and it is all I have and they are always awesome. Now there is a guy who has his shit together, I have seen Mystery Men, and that is this generations Grapes of Wrath. Just pure genius from beginning to end. I am as funny as him, at least my high school buddies would have thought so. I tried to get Ben Stiller to come to this puke flume of a university, but of course his manager laughed in my face and Ben won't reply to any of my emails. I guess he is too busy banging Marsha Brady. She is so hot, I would give her some extracurricular activities.

Time to go home and try to muster up some ideas for this anal secretion of a student body. Need to impress the administration, who have their heads so far up their asses they eat their meals twice. They want to see that we are trying to get the students involved. I would like to get them involved in some form of genocide. I was thinking of putting on a water balloon tournament or perhaps a space walk gala. I think we can get Candlebox to come and play. Their manager is actually leaving me emails. Ha, what a dope. I guess the kid that shows up for their concert will have a good time. He probably will be so stoned he won't know where the fuck he is. I hope I catch him and get his ass arrested. Punk.

Well, it is getting late and my cats look hungry. Yea my cats. At least they will not leave me for a twenty something police officer from some second tier city. Well at least they can't, I keep the place locked up pretty tight. I just know the fuck ups at that school are going to try and break in. Then its off to bed. Where I will hopefully fall asleep forever. What a great summary of my miserable train wreck of a life. Get up, make plans to bring together idiots who want nothing but booze and drugs, and then come home, where I feed my ex-wife's cats (horrible four-legged memories), and go to sleep. Only to repeat this awful loop over and over again. If she would not have taken the guns in the divorce I would end this living hell with one fell swoop. Just another event I have been planning that will not happen. I hate my life.