1) The Steelers beat up on the Ravens something awful last night on Monday Night Football. I didn't watch, but I can only assume that Jaws raved about the quarterbacking, and Tony likened someone to Chuck Norris 15 kajillion times. Really the only thing that mattered was Santonio Holmes holding his own finally and gaining me fantasy points for the win. Thanks Santonio, and thanks to your Riverwalk and sombrero stores. Oh sorry, I thought you said San Antonio.
2) "Texas Snake Man" Jackie Bibby (not to be confused with Mike Bibby) set a new world record for sitting in a fucking bathtub with 87 fucking rattlesnakes. Fuck. He also helped Texas remain the capital of crazy assholes with too much time on their hands. Mr. Bibby said he was happy to have broken his own snake sitting record and is eager to begin his inevitable run for the governorship of Texas.
3) It's almost as if people just don't care about simple manners any longer. My mother always taught me that if you are ever to jump off a tall building because you are despondent about your shitty life, don't land on passersby. Maybe it's just my good old southern heritage, but when you kill yourself in a horrible public fashion because you didn't get enough attention as a child, don't try to cushion your death with a random commuter.
Well that just about wraps it up, and remember, it's just like Dean Martin said: "If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt."
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
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