Gas Giants Lobby for Name Change

In an effort to be taken more seriously by the astronomical community, the four Gas Giant planets, as they are currently known, have announced their intentions to request a collective name change for the entire group. The four Gas Giants, who currently reside in the outer fringes of the solar system, are Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune.
Jupiter, who is spearheading the effort with his wife Io, feels that much of the respect the largest planets in the solar system deserve to command is lost when they are referred to as the Gas Giants.
“This is a matter of respect as far as I am concerned,” Jupiter said through a telephone interview. “We are the biggest planets in the solar system and being referred to in this way…well let’s just say I have heard the snickers from the other members of the solar system. We are the laughing stock of the planetary community and it starts at this reference to our physical make-up.
Jupiter went on to explain that his 63 satellites of various ages and sizes come home almost everyday crying because of something the other moons said to them during recess. “When you’re moons are affected emotionally and psychologically everyday it really brings the point home that something must change.”
This is not the first time that one of the outer solar system planets has requested a name change. It is, however, the first time that the four planets have gotten together on one issue. Uranus has been clamoring for a name change for many years and feels that being titled a Gas Giant is just the tip of the iceberg.
“Really these guys have no idea what its like to be made fun of for your name day in and day out”, Uranus said. “I have been the butt of jokes in elementary schools throughout the solar system for over a hundred years.”
The closest Uranus ever came to a complete titular overhaul was a poorly received shot at changing the pronunciation of his current name. “Yeah the pronunciation thing did not go over well, it was too easy to ignore. I am hoping that by us getting together as a group we are able to make some serious changes.”
Saturn and Neptune could not be reached for comment, but their websites did contain a link to the petition for the name change to be given to the International Astronomical Union, who oversees all planetary name changes, sometime in the summer of 2008. However, there is some dispute between the four planets as to what their new collective name should be.
“I think we should go with Jovian Planets”, Jupiter commented. “It is already in use in some circles and everyone just needs to be made more aware of it. I am the biggest of the four and the first in line from the Sun, so it seems only natural I should be the standard by which all the outer planets are judged.”
The use of the title Jovian Planets is under intense debate between the outer planets as it is felt that this gives too much credit and power to Jupiter who has been known to throw his considerable weight around the solar system when given the chance.
“Jupiter wants all the glory’, Uranus said regarding the title of Jovian Planets. “Sure he is the biggest, but I think we should all get a fair shake on this group title idea. However, I would like to point out that once this fight is finished I am going to come on strong with a name change for
myself; I deserve it.”
Sven Jorgensen with the International Astronomical Union has his doubts that this idea will be well received initially by the IAU as a whole.
“Look we understand that these guys want more respect”, Jorgensen said through a returned email. “Planetary name changes take a long time to process and even more time to get approval. The guys have just started what will surely be a long fight. It will be interesting to see what happens. Hopefully in our lifetimes we can get this issue on the table and try to appease them in some way. A compromise will have to be found and I think we can make it happen.”