Notes No One Will Read Because Its Too Long

We enjoy poking fun at a lot of things here on Bearsuitarefunny. If there is one thing that I think our reader should get from our blog is that life is funny. Not in the way Dave Coulier from Full House is funny. Hysterically so. No, life is funny in the way that a fat guy falling down stairs is funny; it is awesome to watch it happen from a distance but the second that it might hit you it's time to stop laughing and get out of the way. I have decided to forgo mocking any more porn sites for the time being because I do not want people to think I have gone off the deep end to a realm of sexual deviancy rarely seen outside of trailer parks and San Quentin State Prison. Just some thoughts:

Home Sweet Home

Old school Michael Jackson is awesome. Seriously, before the world knew his skin was falling off and he liked to touch boys his music was just the most insane shit around. If you tell yourself you do not like it then I need to tell you to stop lying to yourself and the world. No one thinks you are cool for not liking Michael Jackson. Granted, no one thinks you are cool for liking him either, but your chances are infinitely better if you do than if you don’t. Believe it. I would also tell you to take that out of your mouth and get out of my car. But if we are having this conversation chances are you already left my car so we needn’t tell anyone about any of this.

Thanksgiving is kind of a bunk holiday in my opinion. I like to eat, but do I need an entire day dedicated to it? The short answer, no. The long answer, no. But to extrapolate, I feel that Christmas takes the entire Thanksgiving/Holiday eating idea and puts it into a much more lucrative and attractive product. And if you do not celebrate Christmas, well then I would say get out of my country heathen. This is America and we do not cotton to the type of evil, Satanic shit that you are trying to push on me.

I think it’s awesomely stupid when certain religions tell other religions that they are going to the “hell” of the other religion. Why do other religions always have to be so full of bad and evil people? I’m glad American History taught us Christianity is the only religion that God respects and we have nothing to worry about because only sinners go to hell, and Christians aren’t sinners. American History was the best. Anyway, besides the obvious language barriers do other religions even get the reference? It would be like an Ancient Greek telling us we were going to the Underworld. I would just stare blankly for a long time. Then remember I don’t speak Ancient Greek. It would be a simple transaction I suppose then really.

This is the ruler of the Underworld. The Greeks were so dumb! HA!

I guess I’ll sign off since I know that our reader does not like a lot of text. I hope I break it up enough to keep your attention. I wouldn’t want anyone to have to read more than 20-25 words at a time. It would be like spending a day with Keith Olbermann. Oh, he is so insane.