A Slice of Life

To keep Bearsuits Are Funny away from any legal action I will not use the name of the website I am parodying. But just ask your friends or family members and they might know. Its pretty obvious to those with the knowledge.
Act I Scene I
Here is a sampling from what I imagine to be the only script these guys use. My own personal reflections will be brought to you in bold type face. ENJOY!
Enter a young woman in a various state of undress. She is casually strolling through her living room when she hears the doorbell.
(Ding-Dong) Ha, ding dong. That worked out so well for us.
Young Woman in Various State of Undress: “Is that my doorbell, at 2:00 in the afternoon? I wonder who that could be.”
Suave, Italian Looking Pizza Delivery Stud: “Hey, I am the pizza delivery guy. I have the pizza you ordered right here in this comically large box.” Notice the lack of a comment regarding her casual semi-nudity. Well played Italian pizza delivery guy, you wouldn’t want to make her feel awkward and ruin your chance to score. I am taking notes now.
YMVSU: “Umm, I didn’t order a pizza. It sure is weird that you showed up here, right as I am casually walking around my apartment or condo in the mid afternoon."
SILPDS: “Right, well someone ordered this pizza. Maybe it would be best if I came in and we took a look at this thing here in this box.”
YMVSU: “I don’t know. I usually do not do this sort of thing. Maybe you should just leave.” I assume this guy is a pro, so he knows that the fact that she just told him that she usually doesn’t do this sort of thing was the green light with a police escort to her naughty spots he was hoping for. Girls always say this when they do that sort of thing all the time. Looks like our little delivery Tony Danza hit the jackpot.
SILPDS: “Well, I should come in to use the phone; I need to find out where this pizza goes.”
YMVSU: “Ok, I guess that is fine. Come in and sit on the couch with the pizza box on your lap and you can use that phone over there on the end table. It’s so hot in here that I will stand over you, almost naked, and watch you use the phone. What kind of pizza is that anyway?” The plot thickens as hunger pangs and a woman’s natural curiosity gets the best of our young, busty protagonist.
SILPDS: What? Oh yeah, it’s a big sausage pizza. I think you might like it. Why don’t you just take it?” Totally obliterating the fourth wall our Italian Lothario looks at the camera, and us, and winks. I am giddy with anticipation. She is now totally caught in his web of delicious and comically gross sexual deviancy.
YMVSU: “No way! I love sausage pizza. It’s my favorite. If you keep the box on your lap and open it up, I might be tempted to buy your wares, young pizza delivery salesman.”
SILPDS: “Alright. Yea let me crack this giant box filled with nothing but delicious big sausage pizza open and you can sample what I have to offer.” With a smile that would make Al Pacino squirm from discomfort, the guy, again, breaks the fourth wall, looks at the camera and then at the woman, then at us, and finally back at the woman for one last, heart stopping minute.
The pizza box opens and our actress sees a hot, warm pizza covered with our pizza boy’s monster cock and the gleam of his bright shiny grin. She looks at the pizza guy with horror and shock, for about two seconds. Oh, innuendo and nuance, you are a tricky temptress. Yet I love thee still.
YMVSU: “Guffaw! What is that?!?”
SILPDS: “It’s just what you ordered baby. Come and get a slice of the big sausage pizza!” Those last two lines from each “actor” were delivered with the deftness and tact of 747 hitting a school bus. Well, I should mention that this entire dialogue would make the writers/producers of a CW sitcom nauseous.

The rest of the movie is just them screwing and what ever. But my point here is twofold: 1) This is some of the funniest shit in the entire world. There is no way they film this shit and take it seriously. The dialogue you just read is my interpretation, but hell, you know it’s almost a base outline for the actual thing. Even though you may not like it, you have to admit that it is pure genius on the part of these guys. Just put another mark on the big board of why America is the greatest country in the world. You will also never order a pizza the same way again.
2) Most guys would love for this stuff to happen to them. That’s right ladies, your boyfriend, husband, brother, or, hell, even the pizza guy you are banging go to sleep at night thinking about how awesome it would be to get some random hot girl to sleep with them. Anywhere, anytime, and with almost any girl. You could certainly say that it would be better with the chicks they use, but why be picky when you are a pizza delivery guy, pool man, cable repairman, or any other home delivery Johnny come lately looking for some quick action.

Oh, I am not linking this because it’s a dirty, naughty website that should be banned for the good of America, our children, and the woman’s lib movement. Look it up on your own. You know you want to.