We Need to Talk

I guess it's now or never.

I just want to start this off by saying I love you very much, I really do. However, there is something that I want to say and it might be tough to hear. I have decided that you are no longer the “greatest” lover I have ever had. Don’t get me wrong, you are right up there. I am just beginning to sense a tinge of regret based on my, we’ll just say hasty judgment call. I really enjoy everything you do and your body is, well, it’s unbelievable. I just feel that there might be so much more you could do with it that would send our love making into the stratosphere.
You are looking at me like you are hurt or something. Look, I know its bad timing. Considering the fact we just did it and all but I think now is the time, especially while the thought is fresh in my head. You just are not the best lover I have ever had, plain and simple. I love you to death baby, I really do. And you know that. I just feel that maybe we need to, umm, realign some things here. No pun intended or anything, but I think we can take this and we can turn it around. We can make you the best lover I have ever had and I can be the best lover you ever had. It will take some work…not a lot or anything but some work. I know we can do this and I am committed to making it work with you. Thick and thin, right? It’s obvious we have something special. I want our sex to be special, not something that makes me think about that really hot brunette I banged after the REO Speedwagon Reunion Show two years ago.
No way, I am not going to tell you who I think my greatest lover might be. That would be ridiculous and it might hurt you. You know I never want to do that. I think this will help us get closer. I made a mistake in telling you that you were the best I ever had. I was enamored with you, I couldn’t control myself. It’s really no big deal.
Oh wait, so now you are telling me you do not like it when I grab your hair. Oh great, I am trying to have a decent mature conversation and you aim to hurt. I will just sit here and wait till you want to hear my solution to all of this. Its simple really and it will help both of us master each others bodies, souls, and minds. Its win-win-win for us.

That’s right baby. I would not just say something without having a reason and a really good idea to fall back on. Since the sex is great but not the best I thought the smartest thing for us to do as a couple that is deeply in love and would like a better sex life would be to call “Sex Pro Adventures.” These guys will send a beautiful porn star to come to our house and teach us how to “make love” the right way, sending us both deep into “best sex ever” territory almost over night or at least after two or three sessions. I wouldn’t want to rush what might be the most gratifying moment in our relationship thus far.

Another Satisfied Couple.

You looked pissed. Why? This is a good idea. It will help both of us so much. I mean after two years of mediocre love making what better way to learn the nuances of the human body than under the tutelage of a porn star. It’s a golden idea. Wait…don’t walk out. Come back, it will work. I love you!