Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-January 29, 2008CE

1) Congratulations to late night also-ran Craig Ferguson who decided to become a naturalized American citizen and passed his test with flying colors. Craig, who I am sure was most distressed by the haggis news I reported on yesterday, can now join great naturalized citizens like Jim Carrey and your cab driver.

2) Fucking Gross! Remind me never to impale my feet on anything let alone some dirty African fence. I bet some nasty ass giraffe licked that thing, and everyone knows giraffes have a less than reputable reputation.

3) I really don't care where the ridiculously hot Russian tennis players come from, I just want the power and knowledge to make more so I can keep them for my own sexual gratification. And if sexual slavery is wrong, well, buddy, then I don't want to be right. On a related note, see you in Switzerland, sucker!!

Well, that's about it. I leave you with a reminder why exercise and the right equipment is essential for a happy day. Enjoy:

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