Schedule Time to Read This

A woman’s job in a man’s life is to schedule him for things all the time.
At least, this seems to be the main goal of woman for men. They do not want just any schedule either, they want a schedule set in stone which has been forged by the hands of the woodland creature. Ever since you or I were little boys our mothers were constantly scheduling things for us and trying to pin us down to certain times when we needed to be home, when supper was, when bath time was, and when bed time was.
In a small way, your mother still does this. She might call and ask, or she might call and wonder what you are doing, but she still wants to give you some sort of schedule. She might want to see you over at the house for dinner or, perhaps, for a holiday or birthday. Nevertheless, there she is still trying to schedule you and what you need to do on a certain day or time of day.
She might ask questions like, “What day, time, week or month do you think you will be coming home?”
Your reply is always, or most likely, “Well, um, I am not sure right now. I do not ever seem to know my schedule until about ten seconds before anything happens. Unless its work, I always know when I have to be at and leave work.”
As we grow up we like to think we escape this scheduling monster that our mothers bred but the truth is we have not. We just go right on ahead with the same cycle of events when we achieve the unbelievable and find a woman, be it our girlfriends or wives.
If you think about it, it seems that they are always scheduling us for shit that in some way, we either did not know we did not wanted to do or we know we don’t want to do but now we have to. Even if it is not a scheduled event there is always questions about what we are doing later or when will they see us or some such nonsense.
How many times have you had this conversation?
Woman of Significance in Your Life: “Hey, what are you doing?

You: “Uhh, nothing. Well, I am at work but basically nothing.”

WSYL: “Oh, I knew that. I just wanted to call anyway and try to have a thirty minute conversation with you even though I know that will be impossible. What are you doing tonight?”

You: “I have no idea. Might watch the local sports team of interest.”

WSYF: “Oh, ok. Well, I went ahead and told Molly and John that we would eat dinner with them and then we would go over to their house and look at the photos of their wedding. A phenomenon I can only assume I will experience from the bride’s left-hand side.”

You: “Right. Ok. Thanks for scheduling me something that I hate after a long day of doing something that I hate and that makes me tired due to pure hatred and long hours. I did just want to sit around and do nothing but going out and hanging with your friends will probably be a much more fun and fulfilling exercise. Thanks.”

Of course, you do not actually say this. But it is probably what you are thinking. Either that or: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Actual You: “Ugh, ok. What time do I need to pick you up or be at home?”

WSYL: “We need to be there at seven.”

See there, more scheduling inside of that scheduling. We even know to ask for it. Everything a woman does involves a certain time and when it has to be done. I just do not think guys think this way when it comes to most things. My friends and I have never scheduled anything more than five seconds before it happens. The only time we schedule anything is when the women in our lives will be there and they need a reference time some three weeks in advance.

A conversation you have had with your friends: “Hey, we just want to sit around and drink, listen to some music, bullshit, and maybe watch the local sports team of interest. But Jim’s girlfriend wants to come so we better go ahead and call her now to make sure she is available in a month. Oh, and let’s hammer out the times so she can block it off and invite her girlfriends who none of us like because we cannot hook up with them. Either because some of us have and it’s awkward or that they all have douche-bag boyfriends they will undoubtedly schedule to come with them. This will make both their and our lives much more aggravating.”

From birth to death, a man’s life schedule is never in his own hands. Our mothers will always be scheduling us and then another woman comes along and offers completely contradictory schedule, but one we follow even more astutely. I just want to sit around for five seconds without having to think about or talk about where I will be at 7:00 tonight. I guess I am shit out of luck.