Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-February 18, 2008CE

It's President's Day! The day we celebrate Washington and Lincoln's birthday, and by extension, all of our former commander's in chief. In celebration of this occasion and also because I don't feel like it this morning, and this ain't my fucking job, I'm taking the AMEO off. In honor of one of our greatest, yet most divisive presidents I’m going to go buy a human as property and have sex with her. I’ll give her the Jeffersonian Democracy, ZING.