Superman's Votin' Yall; He's Naturalized

Here is where we're at after this weekend's round of voting. Don’t get all hot and bothered; this isn’t turning into the Drudge Report or anything, it’s just getting that time to where I am interested in what’s going on with the election. And before you go all postal I like CNN.com. Their website is where I am getting my numbers. And you can go fuck yourself if you expect me to use whatever information the fuckwits at Fox have made up today. For God's sake, they hired the antichrist Karl Rove as a political consultant.

Oh, Ms Paint, how do I love thee, let me count the ways...

As previously reported in the AMEO, Arizona Senator John McCain still holds an impressive lead over Old Testament loving Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee. For their nomination, the top dog needs 1, 191 delegates. Of the two still running McCain has 723 and Huckabee has 217. To put that in perspective, Fmr. Gov. Willard Romney, who dropped out of the race before this weekends voting, still carries 286. Huckabee went ahead and picked up Kansas and Louisiana (my home state, geographically below his home state, and full of the exact same people you think we have, as evidenced by the number of drive through liquor stores and trailer parks), but he is all but out of the race. McCain is already focusing on the national campaign and attempting to build a conservative coalition. More than a few Republicans question his conservative credentials, mostly because he doesn’t fall lock step with the party. And you know how much Evangelical Christians love free will and the right to think.

Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee on his way to the state house, 1997

But I’ll be damned if Huckabee doesn’t continue to make himself known throughout the nation to position himself in 4/8 years. It’s what Willard is going to do, so if you thought our long national nightmare of stoic boring politicians from Massachusetts was over for a while, good luck. I am sure there is an Olympics that needs running somewhere, and admittedly, he is darn good at that.

On the other side of the aisle, the Democrats are beating the shit out of each other with nerf footballs full of grapeshot. Illinois Senator Barack Hussein Obama took the lead this weekend with 986 delegates as opposed to his opponent New York Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, with 924. They need 2,025 to clinch the NL Central Democratic nomination. Clinton, contrary to her rosy outlook on life as portrayed in her 60 minutes interview, must be going through six pairs of pants a day because she reshuffled her staff and named a new campaign manager. This late in the game, that isn’t a great omen for a campaign, especially one that ostensibly began in 1992 once her husband won the presidency.

I'm so fucking happy about this election my brain is going to explode!!!!!!!!

Folks keep saying they want a Clinton/Obama ticket, either way it works out. Honestly? Even Huckabee has said he doesn’t want the Vice Presidency. And he has an anemic snowball’s chance in hell. The ego that’s required to run for the presidency, let alone become a leading candidate necessitates the loser take his ball and go home, only to come out the next time around and try again. John Nance Garner, who spent 7 years as VP under FDR, famously described the office as not worth a warm bucket of piss. And he was right, because you have never even heard of John Nance Garner. In other words: Dan Quayle.

The one thing that can make the Democratic convention more interesting than the Republicans, other than the whole "they already have a candidate thing", are the superdelegates. Superdelegates will have a much more pronounced effect on the Democrats than Republicans, who have a similar system with “unelected delegates”. Superdelegates consist of Democratic former Presidents, Vice Presidents, Speakers of the House, Senate Pres. Pro Temp, National Committee Chairmen, Minority Leaders, as well as current members of Congress, both houses. Hopefully this, out of all the crap in this post, is the one fact that can clear up any confusion you have regarding election coverage.

Cheap Joke # 563 on Bearsuits Are Funny

Don’t be afraid to discuss things, or tell me how I am wrong, or whatever, in the comments section. And I promise no more election tirades this week; perhaps I’ll choose a calmer subject, like the War in Iraq, or Global Warming. But never the economy. A) I know jack shit about the economy, and B) I have so little money I can’t even be considered a part of the economy.