Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-April 4, 2008CE

1) Learn things about subjects with Ask AP. I suppose this is a weekly feature, but I haven't seen it before. Interesting though.

2) It would be great to have the Kansas City Royals be the breakout team of the American League this year. I choose the Royals as my American League team to root for, mainly because of madman George Brett. I figured I needed to get an American League team, although the American League doesn't play actual baseball. The DH is the George Bush of baseball: it really shouldn't be there; doesn't do much good.

3) It's a fair assumption that Bush was elected because he was the candidate that voters "most wanted to sit down and have a beer with". And trust me, Bush wanted that beer. He really wanted that beer. But that's another story. Why do voters, American, Australian, or otherwise, insist their leaders be charismatic and humorous, good ole boys to some extent, and then raise their hackles when the leaders turn to that playful side. You can't choose 1978 "Wild and Crazy Guy" Steve Martin and expect 2008 "Boring Novelist" Steve Martin.

4) Your mother was a fucking liar and there is nothing you can do about her filthy mouth.

5) "Pole Tax" Ok, there is nothing funny about this story, except calling a mandatory cover charge at strip clubs a "pole tax". That shit is great. The other stuff; not so much.

Well, that's about it. It's like Alton Brown said (although I tend to disagree): "No matter how hard we try, sex isn't as good as sweet corn."