Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-May 13, 2008CE

1) OK, now I'm not a super-naturalist, and I'm certainly not prone to blowing things out of proportion (?!?), but I only have one question. Three people have come forward with super memory skills. Am I the only one who believes that the first X-Men have arrived, and soon we must all pick sides. Will you be for good or evil?


2) In Headline Wars, this one beats all: Driver buckles beer in car -- but not child. I don't see why that's such a bad thing. A kid is very pliable, he can bob and weave and is usually pretty loose. and most of his bones are pretty soft, so he can take a lickin' and keep on tickin'. Beer bottles on the other hand will break at the slightest provocation, and need special placement in a car, especially if they are rolling along an a tough Australian dirt road. Give this guy a break; he's just trying to do the right thing.


3a) In sports, LeBron James and his Cavaliers beat the Celtics, postponing the best team in the history of ever from winning 17 championships this year. Turns out the Celtics might be the Buffalo Bills: they can't seem to really close this thing for shit. Trouble with the Hawks, and now the Cavs, these guys are looking less and less like the unbeatable juggernaut described during the regular season.


3b) In other superhuman/mutant news, X-Man Kevin Everett (who was paralyzed from the neck down in a game last year, and now runs wind sprints on the top of Mt. Everest) was waived by the Buffalo Bills, freeing him up for disability payments. This might sounds heartless, but it is the correct thing to do, and the Bills have promised him a permanent place in the makeup of the franchise. Coming from any other team I would say screw that, but these guys love their players so much, and have such loyalty, that they don't even try to blow up Scott Norwood's car any longer.


4) Everything good and righteous in the world happens in one place: Cincinnati, OH. Just complete idiocy.


Well, that's about it. It's like Antoine de Saint Exupéry wrote in The Little Prince: "Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to have to explain things to them always and forever."