Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-May 19, 2008CE

I took off the latter part of last week. Mostly because I didn't feel like doing anything. And I still don't, but I'm here anyway, to entertain you as I power through a sunburn and sore ski muscles. The top of my head looks like the center of a medium rare steak. Let's kick this pig....

1) Saturday, Senator Edward Kennedy (D-MA) was rushed to a hospital after suffering a seizure. He is resting comfortably and seems to be in good spirits. You might know Ted Kennedy as the patriarch of the Kennedy Family, mega-wealthy bootleggers and Irish mob bosses who decided to legitimately run the country so everyone got into politics. Turns out fate is hilarious, since both his more talented brothers (And by talent I mean they did some crazy, fucked up shit in their day and got caught for none of it. Ted gets caught every time.) died young. Oh yea, and he killed a girl.

2) In news which will excite girls my age, and idiots of all stripes, The New Kids on the Block are back, and this time they're here to stay...until they get arthritis or enough money for that Malibu beach house.

3) In Sports, blah. The Celtics did away with The Cleveland Cavaliers in their seventh game, and tonight the Hornets will attempt to power through to the next round in their seventh game with the San Antonio Spurs. Big Brown won the Preakness convincingly, paving the way for the first Triple Crown winner since Affirmed in '78.

4) Life sucks.

5) Facebook is getting a facelift. Get it? Facelift? For Facebook? Oh yea? Well it's funny. Oh, fuck you, buddy.

Well, that's about it. It's like Stephen Colbert said: "On this show, your voice will be heard - in the form of my voice."