Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-May 7, 2008CE

1) Senator Barack Obama stomped mudholes in asses in North Carolina and came in second by a thin margin in Indiana. Senator Hilary Clinton must be really happy with her performance. It is looking more and more like Obama will be the Democratic nominee for President. Which is ok by me, because I always vote for the write-in candidate Irving Q. Spiderman, the law and order candidate.

2) The new Russian President Dmitry Medvedev was sworn in today (Today? Yesterday? Fucking time zones and international datelines.) and surprising no one appointed his predecessor Vladimir Putin as his Prime Minister, effectively giving him another term. Putin can be compared favorably to former Louisiana Dictator Governor Huey P. Long. Putin controls his state without being in the office of control through a network of lackeys and he used to be a socialist. But I imagine a stronger Russia is better for the world wide economy than post-communism, bread lines, Yeltsin drinking Russia.

3) In sports, the Celtics over the Cavs. 126 million disappointment Barry Zito will return to the starting rotation after throwing zero innings of relief from the bullpen, in which he had been relegated. Barry Zito=FAIL. Carlos Zambrano leads the Cubs over the Cincinnati Reds. They will play at 11:35am this morning. Grab a computer and watch!! It's what work is for.

4) NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5 A/S/L? 81/M/Vatican City. Benedict XIV will be doing something my father cannot when he will text message the attendees of World Youth Day. Question: When Benny IM's his bishops and cardinals, does he have to preface everything with POS (Parent Over Shoulder) what with him being the mouthpiece of the Lord and in his presence eternally?

Well, that's about it. It's like Vladimir Putin said: "Whoever does not miss the Soviet Union has no heart. Whoever wants it back has no brain."