Ante Meridiem Eye Openers-November 11, 2008CE

1) Lies, damned lies and statistics. "She emphatically denied that she was a drag on the GOP ticket." Yikes. I wonder if Gov. Palin knows that denial is a river in Egypt?
Obama visited the White House yesterday, but why link to it, because nothing happened. They talked in the Oval Office for a while and then didn't comment. I can speculate that they wore out that new Dance Dance Revolution that Bush had installed. Instead, I will link to Congressman William Jefferson...
The voters are stupid in Louisiana. (HOW STUPID ARE THEY???) The voters in Louisiana are so stupid that they will re-elect a 10 term congressman who was found with stacks of cash in his freezer from all the fraud and corruption he has committed!!1! The hatred you hear about of the north by southern Louisianians is reciprocated at least equally from northern Louisianians to the south. They embarrass the shit out of us.

2) Ever been to Utah? Don't. They have all the creativity of a people who would steal a basketball team from New Orleans and retain the name Jazz. Jazz in Utah. Yea, I'm sure Muddy Waters and Howlin' Wolf spend a shitton of time in Salt Lake City.

3) In sports, Geovany Soto of the Chicago Cubs and Evan Longoria of the Tampa Bay Rays are the NL and Al, respectively, rookies of the year. You know, when there is no football and no baseball and just basketball and hockey I just find sports stories hard to come by. What's not hard to come by? Your mother.

4) Answer: Because they suck. Their stores are small and dingy looking, and their inventory is strewn haphazardly around the store. Plus I like blue better than red.

5) In entertainment, George Carlin was made aware of this honor a week before he died, and I think that's appropriate. I wish that many many other non-funny assholes in Hollywood had died instead of him.
GODDAMMIT!! I paid $1,000 to hang out with people who haven't mattered to anyone in 20 years and all I got was this Step by Step tshirt.
Jack Kerouac and William Burroughs collaborated on a novel some years ago and it's finally being published. I haven't read any Burroughs but I have read some Kerouac, and you might just want to load up on all the drugs you can, because it is not "See Spot Run" we're talking about.

6) And this ladies and gentleman is why we fund sciences and the arts. Science gets you life-saving beer. It's like a glass of red wine but you don't feel like a homo ordering it at the dive bar out by the railroad tracks. FYI: I just picked a generic description of an out-of-town bar that rednecks would go to. Don't go racking your brain to figure out what I am talking about.

Well, that's about it. I have no clue if I have given this to you before, but I'm listening to it now, and I'll be damned if I'm going to go look for something else. Enjoy.