Seriously, Wear Headphones When You Listen To This Video At Work...

I didn't post yesterday.

It's not because I was shirking my fake responsibilities, nor was I mad at you, the reader. You know I will always love you, baby. Is that a new perfume? No? Well, you smell great, baby.

I didn't post because I was pretttttyyyyy damn busy at work. I kept my nose to the grindstone basically the entire day, but it felt good to be productive. Would you like to see what I did all day? Ok, I'll show you:


I spent the whole day playing a dice game on facebook. It's called farkle, and it's just the cat's pajamas. You see, the objective of the game is to...well you throw the dice and then...um...well, you bank points...then, um...well...its a fun game!! That's all you need to know.

Third party apps on facebook have been around for tens of decades, at least as long as facebook itself, which as we all know was begun by the WPA to employ computer scientists during the Great Depression. The WPA used this "facebook" to catalog it's migrant workers and find out a little more about them.

Why, Tom Joad himself had over 1000 friends on facebook, mostly owing to his gregarious personality and sweet car.

While some of these apps are entertaining, useful, and well-designed, recently third party apps on facebook have become intrusive and mostly annoying. Programs like Farm Town, Mob Wars and Lil Green Patch are participated in by millions of online users. And I'm sure the excitement of trading sheep and pigs on a fake farm is akin to filming shark week without a cage, but please stop sending me, or asking me, for requests.

I don't like your farm, I don't like your garden, and I sure don't give a shit about your fake criminal empire. Your incessant requests fill up my page and therefore my angremetre (that's my metric angermeter; it's from Estonia).

And I guess I'm tilting at windmills, Sancho, because it will never stop. In fact I don't see a way that unwanted solicitations on facebook, or the internet in general, can be curtailed. It's just something we have to learn to deal with for the privilege of knowing the very most we can about hundreds of people we would never, ever talk to in real life. Hell, most of your "friends" right now are people you've tried very hard to forget actually exist, amirite???

And I'm not the only person who's tired of some of facebook's more "non-intuitive" features. Farhad Manjoo has a few ideas, and it looks like he/her used actual empirical evidence and primary source information to come to his/her conclusion, instead of pure opinion and conjecture. But I will promise you this: Slate might have "integrity", but Bearsuits will always have 63% more dick jokes: