There is a counting toes joke in here somewhere...find it!

Those of you who come to this site for an insightful view into the world of sports might have been disappointed lately. Seems I only get the inspiration to write when I'm watching tv or movies, reading about tv and movies or reading about the tv show or movie I'm going to watch next. But I still like to keep up with sports. Otherwise I wouldn't have any clue as to what my friends are talking about, and I'm already digging a hole for myself due to my lack of video game knowledge.

Ohmigawd did you see the new halo, halo 4: halo has roast beef??? Is halo the character, like echo the dolphin? I knew a girl in high school with the last name of Sims. Is that game The Sims about her? Is she naked in it? I don't know anything...

This ain't your grandmother's Mario Kart...

But back to sports, if you value my opinions on anything I have always hoped you take a look at the right side of the page under Linking It To The Streets. These are my every 20 minutes-refresh blogs and I wouldn't feel as free to make rape and hobo-murder jokes without reading them. Lucky you. Lucky me.

I have added a new one today. www.starandclam.com It's not sports porn, nor regular porn. It's about the fledgling UFL.


The UFL, or United Football League, is a new "major" league football operation which will start up in October of 2009. Now, I certainly don't have the space or the inclination to bring you totally up to speed on this, that's what hyperlinks were invented for. I would start with the wikipedia page, like I always do. (I tend to trust wikipedia when it comes to comics, movies--really all things nerd--and sports; these areas have rabid fans who will stop at nothing to present the truth) Also, the uniform "kit" was released today, and you can find that article at my good pretend-friend withleather.

Star and Clam. Are you catching on yet, Gomer?

Now, this is not to say that I'm endorsing, or even really caring about the UFL in more than a perfunctory manner. I'm just gonna watch. It's football, and I'm a male from the south. It's what I do. But I am going to use Star and Clam to catch up and/or learn about the personnel moves, rule differences, and general goings-on in the UFL. I just hope that by sharing this information one day you too can butt into a conversation you have NO business being in and spout off one or two tidbits of knowledge and then walk away. Proud that now you know the UFL isn't an unplugged fluorescent light.

But seriously, unplug your lights: this is a green blog...I mean, not as green as that logo, but......

I've got the blues...and reds...and they're tights......

The frozen arctic is a formidable place. Subzero temperatures and deadly wildlife, moving ice and biting winds all conspire to rob a person of their life. But just like the deadliest of animals or the most dangerous of weather phenomenon, the icy north has a beauty all it's own.

In the morning the majestic polar bear stalks it's prey in great loping strides. The sun rises over the north pole, it's warming beams striking the ice and producing a spectacular light show.

In the middle of this expanse stands a great crystal palace. How it came to be, no one knows. In fact only one person knows of it's existence.

Superman rests a weary body in his Fortress of Solitude. There are times The Man of Steel feels the need to return to what amounts to his ancestral home to recharge. Being the protector of mankind takes a physical and emotional toll. Even Clark Kent can feel down at times.

Superman gradually awakes, his senses returning to him one by one. His hearing is first; the slight resonance of the crystal a welcome sound to his Kryptonian ears. He smells the purity of the ice, the frozen water protecting him from prying eyes. Finally, Superman opens his eyes. He is surrounded only by ice, crystal and his thoughts.

It's times like these that animated superman thinks of only one thing. He's tried to talk to Lois about it, but she just can't understand. How can a mere human understand the troubles of the most powerful being on earth? He has powers even the best of humanity will do ANYTHING to obtain. All except one man. And this is the crux of animated superman's psychological problems...

...Animated Batman is far and away 100% cooler than animated Superman.

Hi, I'm dark and mysterious...

Batman: The Animated Series is, in my opinion, the best "superhero" cartoon in history. It's dark and foreboding with well told stories and a sharp take on old characters. Animated Superman is formulaic and, well, happy. Metropolis is a bright neon billboard advertising children's toys; Gotham is the shadows behind the lights. And what good happens in the light of day? Nothing. Everything interesting happens at night.

...Hi, I'm not!

Now, it's well known that I love the early 90's series Wings. But Tim Daly should be flying his plane (call letters: Nevada 121 Papa Papa), not voicing the Man of Steel. Kevin Conroy is layered and downright genius in his portrayal of the Dark Knight. He has voiced Batman over many series, and for my generation IS Batman.

Now this isn't to take away anything from the history or mythos of superman, it's just incontrovertible fact that the animated Batman is a better series than the animated Superman. What does this tell you about me, your intrepid blogger? It tells you that I have watched way too much tv in my life. It tells you that I woke up this morning and the only thing on tv was the animated Superman. It tells you that I've never read an actual comic book, but have spent plenty of time learning about them on wikipedia. I figure I can trust wikipedia in these sort of issues; nerds wouldn't stand for misrepresentation of their labor of love.

In conclusion, I sit here realizing that I just spend 30 minutes writing about cartoon superheroes. So, I'm going to go run a warm bath, lay down in the fetal position and cry until I'm one of the popular kids...